Received this from a fellow teacher today (from GoComics.com):
Yep, that's my kids. TOO SMART to follow clearly written instructions.
Kind of like I'm too good a writer to have to follow puny submission guidelines. You can't confine my ART with your "rules"!!!
Showing posts with label queries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label queries. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, March 06, 2009
#queryfail was NOT agents "mocking" writers!
I thought about Tweeting my thoughts on #queryfail yesterday (when people were bashing it), or commenting on Nathan Bransford's blog today (where the comments flew off in an anti-#queryfail tizzy), but I think I'm too wordy to be contained in those spaces.
Look, people: if you don't like it, don't read it. Why is this so hard to figure out?
Seriously. All the people Tweeting yesterday about how much they did not like reading #queryfail? STOP READING IT. And go do something else.
Now, to all the people with their panties in a bunch for those poor writers who "worked so hard" -- NOT reading submission guidelines or spellchecking -- and who never "gave permission" for their "intellectual property" to be "used": uh, do you know much about the purpose of a query? Let me explain it to you. See, you send an agent a query, so that the agent asks for your novel. If your query is good, the agent tries to sell your novel to a publisher. Then the book gets published.
This means YOUR WORDS ARE OUT THERE FOR EVERYONE TO READ. And you know what happens next? PEOPLE POST ANGRY, UGLY REVIEWS ON AMAZON.
If you can't handle less-than-140-characters of your query anonymously quoted in a thread moving almost too quickly to read, then how in 'tarnation do you expect to handle being published?
The agents were not being "mean." They were telling it like it is, and they WERE providing information to writers. They were also not "cherry-picking" queries to make fun of -- the point of it all was to show HOW MANY bad queries they get a day. The agent is sitting in front of his laptop, reading the queries as they come in. He reads a crappy one, and copy/pastes the line to Twitter and adds the hashtag #queryfail. OH MY GOODNESS THAT TOOK SO MUCH TIME.
Seriously, most of the people griping about #queryfail (on the two blogs I've read tonight where it has come up) DON'T EVEN TWITTER. This was not Query Shark with unsuspecting queriers, posting the full letter which yes, would be totally recognizable -- this was TWITTER. 140 characters -- actually, 129 because "#queryfail" is 10 characters, plus a space). And many of the Tweets were not even quotes from the letters, but explanations of what the person did wrong. Look, if you weren't there, or if you don't generally hang out there, then you don't know what's going on. You don't know what it's like, how we Twitterati communicate. So don't bash when you don't know.
As a teacher, I felt the agents' pain. How many students REFUSE to follow directions, and turn in the assignment however they want to do it? TONS. Guess what happens to them?
FAIL.
As in, literally. A fifty if I'm in a good mood; less if I'm utterly fed up with that kid.
And guess what happens to them when they graduate into The Real World? They go on to write stupid queries that irritate agents.
(But that will make my query look golden when they open mine right after one of those gems.)
Also, as a teacher looking for a job outside the classroom, I learned A LOT from #queryfail.
You see, I've never had to apply for a real job. I've applied for teaching jobs, which is kind of a joke. I have a degree in the subject I teach; I teach a high-needs subject; I am actually certified (through an accredited university, through a full teacher certification program). I send in my application and the district will hire me.
If there is one thing you can say for teaching, it's job security.
So I've never been in a position where I've had to fight other applicants or impress the recruiter. (The fact that I want to teach is impressive enough; that I actually know my subject just blows their brains away.) Now, I'm fighting for jobs with other people who are as qualified as I am, but have more impressive resumes (because they have not been wasting their talents in a classroom).
Yesterday I sat down to write an email to a higher-up at my teacher union, pretty much asking her for a job. I've written a few of these emails lately. Before I started reading agents' blogs and studying query letters and hearing agents gripe about dumb mistakes in query letters, I would have written an email similar to this:
I am eternally grateful to Colleen Lindsay and other agents who have helped me learn these things.
If #queryfail was not your cup of tea, then don't follow it next time it comes around. But let's all pretend we're grown-ups and deal, please.
[Edited to add links I forgot to link. This is what happens when you write angry.]
Look, people: if you don't like it, don't read it. Why is this so hard to figure out?
Seriously. All the people Tweeting yesterday about how much they did not like reading #queryfail? STOP READING IT. And go do something else.
Now, to all the people with their panties in a bunch for those poor writers who "worked so hard" -- NOT reading submission guidelines or spellchecking -- and who never "gave permission" for their "intellectual property" to be "used": uh, do you know much about the purpose of a query? Let me explain it to you. See, you send an agent a query, so that the agent asks for your novel. If your query is good, the agent tries to sell your novel to a publisher. Then the book gets published.
This means YOUR WORDS ARE OUT THERE FOR EVERYONE TO READ. And you know what happens next? PEOPLE POST ANGRY, UGLY REVIEWS ON AMAZON.
If you can't handle less-than-140-characters of your query anonymously quoted in a thread moving almost too quickly to read, then how in 'tarnation do you expect to handle being published?
The agents were not being "mean." They were telling it like it is, and they WERE providing information to writers. They were also not "cherry-picking" queries to make fun of -- the point of it all was to show HOW MANY bad queries they get a day. The agent is sitting in front of his laptop, reading the queries as they come in. He reads a crappy one, and copy/pastes the line to Twitter and adds the hashtag #queryfail. OH MY GOODNESS THAT TOOK SO MUCH TIME.
Seriously, most of the people griping about #queryfail (on the two blogs I've read tonight where it has come up) DON'T EVEN TWITTER. This was not Query Shark with unsuspecting queriers, posting the full letter which yes, would be totally recognizable -- this was TWITTER. 140 characters -- actually, 129 because "#queryfail" is 10 characters, plus a space). And many of the Tweets were not even quotes from the letters, but explanations of what the person did wrong. Look, if you weren't there, or if you don't generally hang out there, then you don't know what's going on. You don't know what it's like, how we Twitterati communicate. So don't bash when you don't know.
As a teacher, I felt the agents' pain. How many students REFUSE to follow directions, and turn in the assignment however they want to do it? TONS. Guess what happens to them?
FAIL.
As in, literally. A fifty if I'm in a good mood; less if I'm utterly fed up with that kid.
And guess what happens to them when they graduate into The Real World? They go on to write stupid queries that irritate agents.
(But that will make my query look golden when they open mine right after one of those gems.)
Also, as a teacher looking for a job outside the classroom, I learned A LOT from #queryfail.
You see, I've never had to apply for a real job. I've applied for teaching jobs, which is kind of a joke. I have a degree in the subject I teach; I teach a high-needs subject; I am actually certified (through an accredited university, through a full teacher certification program). I send in my application and the district will hire me.
If there is one thing you can say for teaching, it's job security.
So I've never been in a position where I've had to fight other applicants or impress the recruiter. (The fact that I want to teach is impressive enough; that I actually know my subject just blows their brains away.) Now, I'm fighting for jobs with other people who are as qualified as I am, but have more impressive resumes (because they have not been wasting their talents in a classroom).
Yesterday I sat down to write an email to a higher-up at my teacher union, pretty much asking her for a job. I've written a few of these emails lately. Before I started reading agents' blogs and studying query letters and hearing agents gripe about dumb mistakes in query letters, I would have written an email similar to this:
Hi!Instead, I started out with a proper, professional salutation. I made a personal connection with the person. I Googled information I could have easily found for myself instead of asking her, and making myself look dumb and lazy. I sold myself, giving her a quick run-down of my skills/talents/qualifications, without boring her or pushing my entire resume and letters of recommendation on her. I did it the smart way, following common-sense query guidelines.
I want to work at TSTA. Are there any jobs open?
Thanks!
:) Criss.
I am eternally grateful to Colleen Lindsay and other agents who have helped me learn these things.
If #queryfail was not your cup of tea, then don't follow it next time it comes around. But let's all pretend we're grown-ups and deal, please.
[Edited to add links I forgot to link. This is what happens when you write angry.]
Saturday, August 09, 2008
How the Publishing Industry Works...
(... um, if life were made of unicorns, rainbows, and cotton candy.)
As seen on Nathan Bransford's blog, who stole it from Adrienne Kress's blog, but, apparently, it originally comes from Jackson Pearce.
Ah, the wonderful world of links! It's six degrees of separation on acid. And hours and hours of time INSTANTLY GONE.
You see, my sister recently introduced me to the world of Google Reader (you can see part of the results at my nifty Shared Items widget to the right). Which is nice. Unless you feed it after midnight and then let it jump into an Olympic-sized pool.
I have come across a couple of writers' and agents' blogs through random chance or friends' blogs, but my lovely friend Google Reader has been so kind as to suggest MORE. The first day I started clicking around, my eyeballs slowly became suctioned to the screen - only to be pried away by the lure of Swiss chocolate and ice-cream.
Now, really, I can't really be faulted for this. I'm learning about The Business. What do agents like? What do they absolutely despise? Should I send blueberry or orange-cranberry muffins with my query?
The main thing I've been reading up on is, in fact, The Query. See, before, I had a vague idea of what this was. I knew I needed one. But it scared me a little. So I put it off... indefinitely. (Not that this was going to be a problem, since before I get to the point of querying I need to have a finished, polished, ready-to-submit novel... and the Edit Faeries have been seriously slacking on the job.) After all my late-night reading, however, I'm all pumped to write queries for my novels.
(BTW - my favorite agent blog right now is Pub Rants - which is not about drunken Irishmen. If you scroll down, you'll see her Labels, or you can keep scrolling down... way down... until you get to the last two sections, that give you examples of queries and her workshops on queries.)
I'm a Pantser. I try to outline, but it just doesn't work for me. My characters are way too rebellious (and they have better ideas, most of the time). So, no outlines, no plotting, no premeditation - just writing. Which works great, until you need to edit the whole thing into a coherent novel.
Writing queries and synopses for my novels should help me organize what I want my novel to be, what the key elements are, what needs to stay, what needs to (*sniff*) go, what needs to be highlighted, etc.
The plan right now: finish the editing/re-translating job (which might be a little challenging, considering Brainiac LEFT THE ORIGINAL TEXT ON THE PLANE this morning...), finish and submit my dissertation, then focus exclusively on Life Choices (my very first NaNo. Ah, memories...) I had already gone through about half the novel with first revisions, but that was so long ago I'll just have to start all over. Which is good, because I have all this New Knowledge now.
BWAHAHAHAA!!!
As seen on Nathan Bransford's blog, who stole it from Adrienne Kress's blog, but, apparently, it originally comes from Jackson Pearce.
Ah, the wonderful world of links! It's six degrees of separation on acid. And hours and hours of time INSTANTLY GONE.
You see, my sister recently introduced me to the world of Google Reader (you can see part of the results at my nifty Shared Items widget to the right). Which is nice. Unless you feed it after midnight and then let it jump into an Olympic-sized pool.
I have come across a couple of writers' and agents' blogs through random chance or friends' blogs, but my lovely friend Google Reader has been so kind as to suggest MORE. The first day I started clicking around, my eyeballs slowly became suctioned to the screen - only to be pried away by the lure of Swiss chocolate and ice-cream.
Now, really, I can't really be faulted for this. I'm learning about The Business. What do agents like? What do they absolutely despise? Should I send blueberry or orange-cranberry muffins with my query?
The main thing I've been reading up on is, in fact, The Query. See, before, I had a vague idea of what this was. I knew I needed one. But it scared me a little. So I put it off... indefinitely. (Not that this was going to be a problem, since before I get to the point of querying I need to have a finished, polished, ready-to-submit novel... and the Edit Faeries have been seriously slacking on the job.) After all my late-night reading, however, I'm all pumped to write queries for my novels.
(BTW - my favorite agent blog right now is Pub Rants - which is not about drunken Irishmen. If you scroll down, you'll see her Labels, or you can keep scrolling down... way down... until you get to the last two sections, that give you examples of queries and her workshops on queries.)
I'm a Pantser. I try to outline, but it just doesn't work for me. My characters are way too rebellious (and they have better ideas, most of the time). So, no outlines, no plotting, no premeditation - just writing. Which works great, until you need to edit the whole thing into a coherent novel.
Writing queries and synopses for my novels should help me organize what I want my novel to be, what the key elements are, what needs to stay, what needs to (*sniff*) go, what needs to be highlighted, etc.
The plan right now: finish the editing/re-translating job (which might be a little challenging, considering Brainiac LEFT THE ORIGINAL TEXT ON THE PLANE this morning...), finish and submit my dissertation, then focus exclusively on Life Choices (my very first NaNo. Ah, memories...) I had already gone through about half the novel with first revisions, but that was so long ago I'll just have to start all over. Which is good, because I have all this New Knowledge now.
BWAHAHAHAA!!!
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