Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Who says?

(This post was inspired as a response to some of the comments made on this post.)

Moms, friends and marrieds will always tell you, "He's out there, just wait - you'll find Him one of these days."

Who says?

And why do I need "Him" to be out there? What's wrong with me as I am?

Yeah, I would like to have someone to take me dancing on Saturday and then to church on Sunday, someone to cook for, someone to help with the dishes and laundry, someone to snuggle with when watching a movie. Someone with whom to discuss the movie when it's over. Someone I know I can call if I get a flat tire. We just had a three-day "ice storm" (Texas-style, but still bad enough for me) and although I had Indy curled up by my feet under the covers, it would have been much nicer to have a not-so-furry bipedal in his place.

Guys don't go through singlehood looking for "Her" - why do we make that the focus of our existence?

I know I'm a rarity. I'm intelligent, articulate, fun, funny. I can appreciate opera, karaoke, Shakespeare, Beavis and Butthead, Stephen King, Bridget Jones, Harry Potter, Tchaikovsky and Tenacious D. I own my own house and car (paid for); I have a degree and a career (and almost have my first graduate degree); outside of mortgage and student loans (which are just a part of life) my debt is less than $2,000. I have no children. I am a cheap date (unless you want to take me somewhere fancy; I won't argue with you.) I don't smoke, don't drink; I read, I think, I can carry a conversation in a variety of settings. I am healthy and attractive. Why in the world no idiot has snatched me up yet is beyond me.

Yes, I'm sure there's Somebody Out There who's a "perfect catch" just like me. And I'm sure we'd get along. But you know what? I don't think I have the emotional energy to hunt for him. I have life to live, I'd rather spend my time doing that than searching for some guy that, if history is any indication, is going to a) abuse me, or b) dump me because of his own baggage and insecurities.

Why do I need to "wait for Him"? Why do people encourage me to do so, giving me false hope?

"Good Guys" are out there; I know, I've seen them. My sister married one. My mom married two (one at a time, you bums!) However, they are few and far between. I usually meet the ones who can't commit, or the ones who committed but are now calling me behind wife's back (yes, this has happened more than once, with more than one guy). Why do I need A Guy to be whole? To be normal? To be happy?

I don't need a guy to be a mother. Ideally, I would love to have one. But I know I'm better off in the company f my cats than some emotionally unavailable jerk who's going to make me feel I'm not worth his time. I've made leaps and bounds in my self-esteem since I've been alone. I hit bottom and below in my marriage; Nietzsche must have been right, because I'm still alive, and much stronger. Alone.

I want "love" and companionship. Who doesn't? But I'm sick of being lied to, by the guys who've sold me the song and dance, and by all those souls full of good inentions who think they are being helpful by feeding me this false hope. Why am I not good enough as I am? Why am I not good enough on my own? Why am I not good enough by myself?

You mean well, I know. And hey, maybe from where you're standing, smug and married, you do truly believe that there is a Someone for everyone and that I just am not trying hard enough to find my Him, or that I'm trying too hard and I need to let Him show up on my doorstep (big red bow optional). But you know what? I'm damn good enough on my own - and so are all other smart single women out there.

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