Monday, June 14, 2010

"Tiny" #preggo rant

Let's make a deal: you abstain from commenting on my body shape, and I'll abstain from commenting on yours. Mkay?

Oh, I know... silly me! I'm pregnant! That must mean my body is now part of the public domain! (At least that's what the politicians keep telling us, isn't it?)

Well.... sorry. WRONG.

Still my body. If you want to touch it, you'd better ask permission first (and be ready to have it denied).

I'm five and a half months pregnant.

Yes, I'm sure. Yes, seriously. Why would I lie to you? What purpose could that possibly serve?

Kindly put your eyes back in your sockets.. there you go, that's it. Better?

Again, I'm really very sorry, but "You're so tiny!" is NOT a compliment. I'm effing pregnant -- I'm not supposed to be tiny, I'm supposed to be PREGNANT.

I'm very aware of my size. It's one of the reasons I asked my OB if I was big enough when I saw her two weeks ago, at my last appointment. (You know what she said? SHE SAID I WAS FINE.) I really don't need you making any comments on my weight or size, thank you. Notice how I'm not commenting on your size? See how nice that is, my NOT telling you what's wrong with your body size?

Just in case this isn't sinking in (heck, if I had to tell you the first part, I doubt you'd be clever or aware enough to get the second part without having it spelled out for you): three months from now, when I'm huge, I'm not going to need you to tell me how huge I am. I will be aware, trust me.

Also: if you meet a woman who tells you she's, say, six or seven months pregnant, and you think she looks HUGE... you don't need to tell her that. You don't need to ask her if she's sure she's only six or seven months. I can guarantee you she knows how far along she is. And that she's aware of how big she is.

All you need to do is shut your huge mouth and smile. If you must speak, congratulate her.

It would be really nice if people stopped feeling the need to tell women what their bodies are supposed to look like. Pregnant or not.

13 comments:

  1. hahahahahah

    a couple med regimens back when i was seventy pounds heavier than i am now on my super awesome being poor and crazy and not eating much diet i got asked a lot if i was pregnant.

    "nope," i said. "i'm just fat."

    "oh! sorry. um."

    "uh-huh."

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  2. Anonymous7:51 PM

    Honey, you're fat. I love you.
    ~Freddy

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  3. Moira, it would be nice if people minded their own business, huh?

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  4. I overheard a conversation in the breakroom at work, where one of the admins was telling the story about taking her son's pregnant girlfriend out for lunch, but omitted certain places on in the decision because "she's only 4 months along and had gained too much weight."

    I couldn't believe I actually heard that.

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  5. OH FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD.

    I'd like to know where these people got their degrees in midwifery and/or obstetrics. WHO ARE THEY TO DECIDE "she had gained too much weight"???

    Sheesh...

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  6. Also, just because someone is pregnant doesn't mean you can touch them. I always ask my patients before I touch their bellies AND I AM THEIR NURSE. I'm supposed to be touching them! You don't give up your personal space at conception.

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  7. It continues to baffle and infuriate me why people are criticizing the body shape of a pregnant woman. PREGNANT. You are carrying a freakin' new life in there which is the most amazing thing ever, and people have the audacity to call you fat (or too skinny!?) I can't even get that... how the... what the hell!? Never mind all the chubby jokes about pregnant women, calling them fat. What the everlasting f#$% is up with that. You're pregnant, you're carrying a BABY, like, a tiny human being. That doesn't make you fat, it doesn't make your body shape fat, there is no fat involved! IT'S A BABY. FFS.

    (And I'm of the fat acceptance school, so technically I don't think being fat is all that terrible, but OMFG a pregnant women is not fat because she is pregnant, what the fuuuu-)

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  8. Yeah, I've noticed that the two groups of people who seem to lose all personal space rights: preggo women, and people with tattoos.

    Criss ~ knowing you, you're probably super healthy and perfectly preggo. People really need to learn that another person's physical state does not mean manners have been suspended.

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  9. Jenny3:32 PM

    I'm six months pregnant and have polyhydromnios - too much fluid around the baby. I am sick to death of having people I know and complete strangers comment every single day, "Any day now?" A 'friend' rubbed my bump the other day while saying "I know you dont like it when people do this..." ??? No one will talk to me about anything else other than the fact that I am very obviously pregnant, 5'2 with a large out-front bump on a small frame. I bring up other subjects, and people just grin at me and say things like "just look at you!" I long to be taken seriously again.

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  10. Misha, I've already decided that if someone tries to touch my belly without permission, I'm going to go ahead and touch theirs right back. Ir maybe pinch their cheeks, pull on their earlobes... whatever invasion of personal space seems appropriate at the time.

    Damanique, I agree completely. (I do want to clarify that Freddy's comment is a good-natured joke, usually said just to me -- because I keep asking him if I'm big enough. I know we should not use the word "fat" because it is triggering for many.)

    Cid, Thanks! :)

    Jenny, WOW. "I know you don't like it when people do this, but I'm going to do it anyway, and highlight how disrespectful I'm being because I can't even claim ignorance since I know you hate this." I have no words.

    Maybe when they focus on your pregnancy/physical appearance, you can keep turning the conversation to them: "Have you ever had that mole on your neck looked at? Are you sure it's not cancerous?" "I know you don't like it when people point out how frizzy your hair looks, but did you know JUST HOW frizzy it looks today? I mean, geez! Looks like you stuck all ten fingers in an electric socket!" Maybe that way they'll start to take a hint?

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  11. I clicked over to comment only to see that Moira has already said THE EXACT SAME THING as I was going to say! I've been asked several times how far along I am in my pregnancy, and you know what? I wasn't and I'm not pregnant. I just happen to carry most of my fat in my stomach, which automatically means that I must be pregnant. Shit, it's been in there far too long then...

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  12. Anonymous2:06 PM

    I am 4.5 months pregnant but I am short and have a short torso so there is only one way for this fetus to grow - out.

    So I get a lot of "Wow you are this big now, I can't imagine how big you will be in a few months" and it just isn't helpful.....

    -
    nn

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  13. i am now on my super awesome being poor and crazy and not eating much diet i got asked a lot if i was pregnant.











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