Wednesday, April 15, 2009

If I may clarify a few misconceptions about pregnancy

I don't know if you caught this story: Line of text in abortion bill draws political line in the sand / (from Monday). Several items about this bill made my head explode.

Under Senate Bill 218, a woman seeking an abortion must be informed at least 24 hours before the procedure that, “The abortion will terminate the life of a whole, separate, unique, living human being.”
"Separate"? Really? "Separate"??

Has Kansas developed some new technology where fetuses can now be grown in portable uteri that a woman can carry around, like a purse? Or do women in Kansas actually have exterior uteri, that they can detach from their bodies? How exactly do you pretend to claim the fetus is separate from the woman, when the one is ATTACHED TO THE INSIDE of the other?

If it were indeed a "separate" human being, WE WOULD NOT BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION. You would simply separate the fetus from the woman; I guess she would just drop her portable uterus off at the nearest church or fire station or crisis pregnancy center, and some rabid pro-lifer could take care of it until it was ready to be born from the portable uterus-purse.*

GET THIS THROUGH YOUR PEA-BRAINED HEADS, PEOPLE: the fetus is NOT a separate entity. It is a parasite living inside the woman. Many women welcome this parasite, so we call it a baby. But when the woman does not want it, DUE TO THE FACT THAT IT IS INSIDE OF HER AND A PART OF HER, she has the right to remove it before it causes her any pain or hardship, physical or emotional. And you know who gets to decide that? THE WOMAN.

Oh, but folks, there's more:
[Michael Schuttloffel, executive director of the Kansas Catholic Conference, said] "[...]I think the real question is, why would these facts not be presented to a woman about to make the most important decision of her life?”
Excuse me, Mr. Schuttloffel, but where the h3ll do YOU get off telling ME what "the most important decision of my life" is?

NEWSFLASH: My sole purpose in life is NOT to make babies. Same goes for every other woman out there.

I know this might be confusing to someone like you; your brain seems to be especially tiny, but just because God gave us the ability to make babies inside our bellies it does not necessarily mean that this is the only thing we can or should do with our lives. We can do a great many things, really. If you took the time to open your eyes and look around you, you would see all the things we women can do. It's astounding!

Let's see if I can explain it another way... let me think... Oh! Let's try this: Mr. Schuttloffel, your body is designed to poop. You have a colon, and, sometime after you eat and digest, poopy comes out of it. Your body is made to poop. However, does this mean that your only purpose in life is to poop? That "the most important decision of your life" is when or where to poop? No! SO STOP POOPING ON MY RIGHTS.

Can you even fathom the amount of important decisions I make in my life? Because there are quite a bit of important decisions. Because I do lots of things with my life. And I have to make decisions about pretty much all of them. Mind-boggling!

And, because, good Heavens, how can we accept silly women to take responsibility for their choices? I mean, we women are just silly little things who truly cannot be trusted to THINK or DECIDE anything! Therefore, ladies, for our own good, we need this:
If a girl or woman later believes her late-term abortion was illegal, she, her husband or parents could sue the doctor who performed the abortion for damages under the measure.
Yes, you SHOULD sue the doctor for performing a medical procedure YOU REQUESTED. And your parents of husband should definitely have the right to sue the doctor for you, because Lord knows you silly thing can't make decisions for yourself! Silly girl or woman! How on Earth could you possibly be expected to know what is best for you?

I don't have words for how STUPID and INSULTING this is. REALLY??? Are you EFFIN' SERIOUS???

Now I'm just yelling. Because I'm at a loss.

I'm also at a loss about "women who say they consented to having abortions after being told the fetus was a mass of tissue." Look, ladies, if you are too stupid to comprehend what pregnancy is and how it works, then you have no business bringing children into this world. A fetus is a mass of tissue. It's a mass of tissue growing inside of you. Really? You don't know how this works? A fetus is a mass of tissue that, if everything goes the way it's supposed to, will grow inside of you until it's ready to come out of your uterus as a baby. Was this really news to you?

I know we're slowly emerging from the fog of abstinence-only education, but seriously?

Ladies, it's your body. It is your responsibility to educate yourself about how your body works and what happens to it, even if the legislature won't let schools educate you. Walk into any Planned Parenthood and ask them to help you, they're pretty good about that whole "education" thing. Don't be stupid, and don't be helpless. You're embarrassing the rest of us, but worse, you're seriously hurting our cause. The fight is hard enough as it is; fight with us, not against us.

*At which point that same rabid pro-lifer would then hold a tea party rally to denounce the tax dollars the government is spending to raise this welfare child. But I digress...


  1. AWESOME post, Criss! I love it and I'm nodding along to it all. It just outrages me that people seem to think women don't have the mental capacity to make decisions that affect THEIR OWN BODIES. It's so nice to read thoughts from someone who is so level-headed and on the same page.

    By the way, I haven't been blogging lately because I've been (and have been) in the hospital. But I'm going to email you the link to my personal CaringBridge site that updates about my health and my life, if you're interested. I've missed "talking" with you!

  2. This was so amazing. I'm going to RT it, blog it, Facebook it. Everyone needs to see this. It's just unfortunate has to be seen.

  3. Excellent post.

    I will say, I do agree with the choice of having or not having kids being if not THE, then among the list of, Most Important Decisions of Your Life. Not because everyone-should-have-babies-because-that's-what-you're-meant-to-do at all, but because the decision to have a child is going to impact EVERYTHING about every part of your life from there on out. It is the most life-changing decision you can ever make, more than your career or getting married, etc. Becoming a parent fundamentally changes who you are, how you live, and affects every single decision you will ever make afterwards.

    Which is why I'm such a big advocate for abortion rights. Because everyone should have the right to make this huge, forever life-changing choice for themselves when they are ready.

  4. I agree that it is AN important decision, but I take offense to it being referred to as THE most important decision. There are many important decisions -- what job to take, how much education to pursue, whom to marry -- and many women early on make the decision to not have children (or to not have them until X happens). If a woman has already decided not to have children (or not to have children yet), then all the other decisions she makes become much more important. Stating it as THE most important decision reduces women to baby-making machines, instead of full-fledged people with lives to lead.

    Also, when a woman is discussing abortion, it is pretty safe to assume she is dealing with an unwanted pregnancy. In this case, she has already made the important decision to NOT have/keep the (potential) child, and the choice is now between abortion and adoption. The important choice, whether or not to be a parent, has been made. Whether to terminate the pregnancy or carry it to term and give up the baby is a second, different, choice. Which yet again displays this guy's ignorance -- he doesn't even know how many choices are involved in a woman's decision to terminate a pregnancy.

  5. A baby's not a baby before it comes out
    That's what birthday's are all about.

    (We used to chant that on the clinic defense lines. And, I ask you, how wrong is it that we ever needed to do CLINIC DEFENSE?)

    Excellent post, Criss. As always.

  6. Only, we chanted it without the stray apostrophe, really.