I am a WINNER #nanowrimo #dfwrhinos

Last night, or rather this morning, at about half past the midnight hour, I validated my NaNoWriMo novel, SHOWMANCES: ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND THEATER. All 50,134 words of it.

Sadly, at around 49,000 words, I realized that was the point when my novel should have started.

And here I was, looking forward to a month of editing my 2004 NaNovel and reading books and the like, thinking I was done with SHOWMANCES for the time being.

Do I write out the rest of it, at least a slim skeleton of what the rest should be?

Do I put it aside, and finish edits and rewrites and newrites (it needs a lot of work) on the novel I was working on before November?

Do I try to do it all at once? (Monday, Wednesday, Friday: 2004 NaNo. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday: 2009 NaNo. Sunday: collapse?)

You know what would be cool?

If I didn't have a pesky day job, and could write full-time.

The Writer v. The Editor

These two posts from The Golden Pencil* made me realize how much NaNoWriMo has changed the way I write.

I used to agonize over every word. I used to not write, because I was forever waiting for The Perfect Opening. If I did write, every sentence took forever because I wanted The Perfect Word. Even for stuff that didn't matter, like school assignments.

Now, after five years of NaNo, I just write. I don't even read my blog posts before hitting the orange button -- which is bad, because I'm a terrible typist. (Seriously. It took me 17 keystrokes to type "typist." But that's also because I got my nails done yesterday, and it always takes me a while to get used to typing with my fingers instead of my claws.)

The good thing is I'm writing. The words are moving from my head onto the paper. I'm more confident about my writing; when I go back and re-read that stuff, I like what I've written (I used to HATE re-reading my stuff, which is why I never proofread my papers for school. Now I don't proofread my blogs because I'm lazy; I like what I've written, but my ADD-brain is just ready to move on to something else.)

The bad thing is... well, I can't say "I don't proofread" because I didn't do that before either. There is no bad thing! NANOWRIMO IS THE GREATEST WRITING EXERCISE EVER!!!

(Okay, there is one bad thing. My husband is not too fond of November.)

While watching the Oscars, I was thinking about what I would say in my acceptance speech.** (This was, coincidentally, right before Kate Winslet told us about her rehearsals with Shampoo-bottle Oscar.) In my speech, I decided I would have to thank Chris Baty and the rest of the NaNoWriMo/Office of Letters and Light team.

I have a half-finished novel that is still in the half-finished stage that I started my first year teaching (when my Guardian Angel had me stumble into the Borders Books on Westheimer in Houston, AT THE EXACT SAME MOMENT a critique group was meeting. The dude working the info desk took me to the deep, dark corner where they met, and those amazing, lovely people invited me to join them. And write with them. And SENIOR YEAR went from a long-forgotten file on a floppy disk to A NOVEL). This was 8 years ago, people. And it's still half-finished. It has not yet been NaNoed.

Since that first November of 2004, I have written three novels (one of them took two Novembers) and one stack of drivel (which might could perhaps someday be salvaged into something resembling A NOVEL. Actually, UNA NOVELA, since that was my NaNo-in-Spanish year). I don't think of myself as someone who wants to write, because I do write. I am a writer. Thanks to Chris Baty.

Now I just need to work on the other little carp that keeps getting in the way, and edit all those beautiful, completed novels into something worth submitting. So I can start earning my millions.

PS: November's a long way away, but April is just around the corner! Have you signed up for Script Frenzy yet???

*Who used to have her own blog, but now is part of this Bizzia thing? Don't ask me, the posts arrive in my Google Reader and I don't question from where. Until I have to link to them.

**which used to be for Best Actress or Best Supporting Actress; now it'll be for Best Screenplay or Best Adapted Screenplay

Weekend Update

This was a highly unproductive weekend.

I didn't make a concrete lists of to-dos, but I had general ideas:

• take the car in for an oil change
• type the last pages of edits on the bloody dissertation
• catch up on blogs I've meant to write, both here and on another blog
• create the semester exam for my level 3 classes

Things I actually accomplished:

• this blog post

Okay, fine, that's not entirely true: Freddy and I have done some cleaning up around the house, and I finally posted on Freecycle items we'd been meaning to give away or get rid of. (Turns out, lots of people want wetsuits and red velvety curtains.) We also took the two bags of trash bags full of clothes down to Goodwill, along with other stuff that needed to go. And we cleared out some more tubs of stuff out to the shed. And I am writing to you lovely people sitting at a proper desk, not couch -- meaning the mountain of paper and debris that used to reside on this work surface has also been conquered.

So, some cleaning was accomplished. And little annoying things that have been needing to be done got done. Not a total loss of a weekend, all in all...

My problem is that I have a nasty habit of quitting while I'm ahead.

The first 18 pages of my dissertation? Written in one weekend. The last 5-10 pages? Took months.

Whenever I start working on something (laundry, cleaning the house), I start out strong and get a lot done quickly. And then I see that I'm doing well... so I give myself a break. And slow down. And never finish what I started.

Since I have no self-discipline, I can't make myself go back and finish. So I'll do three loads of laundry, but the last load remains in the dryer forever (if I've done four loads of laundry, the clothes stay in the washer... which means moldy clothes, which is nasty. And counter-productive, since I then have to wash the clothes again). And the socks never get matched up.

I'll do an awesome job of cleaning up the bathroom, but then never do anything about straightening up the bedroom.

And I'll stretch out three hours of work on my master's into a month and a half of dilly-dallying.

Meh.

Another productive blip on my weekend: yesterday was the first meeting for the writers group formed from interested Wrimos in the area. I took the first chapter of my 2004 NaNo; I had done some massive chopping before taking it to the group, so I was pretty pleased with myself to begin with, but their feedback and suggestions helped me figure out ways to make the chapter even better. So, I'm excited. Tomorrow I should sit down and get some more writing done (on the dissertation and the novel).

Or I might go on a laundry spree. You never know.

The daunting task of editing...

Some writers in our NaNo region have decided we want to stay in touch through the year, and edit all those lovely words we've written in November. I already have a weekly critique group, but I like the idea of keeping in touch with my NaNo buddies year-round, and a second set of eyes can't hurt.

So, as I start the daunting task of editing my 2004 NaNo, I'm asking for help. I posted this on the Google group we set up for the critique group (we'll meet in person, but have the Ggroup for organizational purposes), but I figured I could ask for help here, as well:

My first project (uh... first NaNo project; I have two other pesky things to get out of the way first) is my 2004 NaNo. I actually started editing it after I finished it, and when I printed it out I saw I'd gone through 152 of the 224 pages of the manuscript. This was three years ago, however; I remember few of the details and I know I know more now about writing than I did then.

How should I approach this project, then? Do I sit down and read it through, once, to know what I'm dealing with? See the big picture, then jump in and nitpick it? Or do I start nitpicking from the beginning, and let the big picture fall into place as I work with the novel? (Meaning, take it apart chapter by chapter, then worry about story arc, character development, plot, recurring threads, etc. as I work through it, or after the "detailing" is done?)

I feel that I should read the whole thing once through, just to get it all in my head, especially since it's been so long since I've touched it, but I also know that I'll be itching to grab that red pen even if I tell myself I'm not supposed to do that yet.

What are your thoughts, comments, suggestions? How will you attack your editing projects?

:) Criss.

"Hello! And welcome to my pity party."

I've been playing by The Rules this year. I've been working hard to be good. I've stayed on top of it - as much as I've been able to.

Even during NaNo, I made sure to put in my time for school stuff before going off to write-ins or doing NaNo-related stuff.

And it's still not working.

I like teaching. I discovered that the first time I quit it. It's all the other crap I can't handle.

I wish I could do my job part-time: that would give me enough time to get my job done well in a regular, 8-hour work day. If I could teach four, maybe five classes a day, all the same subject/level, I would have time to do everything that is expected of me without ignoring certain aspects or cutting corners or giving up my life.

Because that's the part that's killing me. I like teaching, but I like my life. I have other stuff going on. I refuse to give up my self in order to feel successful at my job. It's a day job, really. And it's not the only thing I have, or want, in my life.

Right now, doing this well and having a life outside the school are mutually exclusive. And that's not going to work for me.

Today, I had a half-give up day. This afternoon, I've spent a lot of it wasting time. I have not done this so far this year. I do not check my home email or browse my Google Reader subscriptions until I get home. Today? Nah.

Now, part of the reason for popping on over to the home email inbox was because we were discussing crucial matters (the who, what, when, where of Christmas - when you're family is as big and complicated as mine, this is a serious issue that demands time and your full attention. Trust me). But, before today - before last Friday, when the penny dropped - even that kind of discussion would have waited until later.

I had a conversation Friday that made me realize this job is stressing me out. And it's stressing me out more than normal, because this time I'm doing everything the way I am supposed to be doing it. Before, when I was behind on grading and overwhelmed by the endless to-do list and harrassed by parents, I knew part of it was my fault. I wasted my time instead of focusing on grading stuff early. I didn't plan out my lessons ahead of time. I didn't do X and Y and Z the way I should.

But now I'm doing all those things, and getting the same results. Actually, getting worse results than people who do a much crappier job than I do. So how the heck does that work out?

So, here's me. Here's the towel.

Here's me, contemplating throwing it.

Do I suck at my job?
Am I too angry and inflexible to be in this kind of job?
Is this just the December blues, and everybody's feeling it?
Do I need to get back on medication?
Or start doing yoga again?
Cut out sodas and other sugars?
Or maybe I should go the other direction, and start drinking heavily?

We'll think about it.

All Hail the Conquering Hero

http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/47044

This year, I was one of THOSE PEOPLE.

The people who hit 50k before the 25th, and are sitting around waiting for validation to open up.

The people who hit 50k, but yak on about needing to finish the story before the month is over.

I became one of THEM.

I hit 50k Sunday; I had been 1500 words short the night before; I decided not to check my word count and finish the scene I was on, then upload it to see if it was enough to push me through. MS Word gave me 49,961 words.

I wrote some more that day, but I did not update or upload until I was done with the story. I had three sections I wanted to write, and the first two, and the end of the third, are pretty much vry poor writing - a whole lotta telling, no showing. But I have the story down, and the format of this novel will include a lot of telling anyway. I have all the stuff I wanted to say down on paper, which is the important part. I can fill in the details (and, you know, little things like dialogue) later.

I should have the dissertation tweaked and edited by Monday, then I can write to my little heart's content without the guilt of "you should be working on this instead" hanging over my head. I will finally finish SENIOR YEAR, which will complete the "trilogy" (then I can go back and change all the details that need to sync up with the three novels - same three characters, slightly overlapping time periods), and I can focus on editing LIFE CHOICES. And giving it a less corny name.

So excited about regularly attending my writers group again, and having something to read every week! You know, like a writer would!

Now, to catch up on grading. And other stuff.

Coming soon: Ode to the AlphaSmart.

Slowing down...

NaNo has been going swimmingly well... until now. Yesterday was okay, but today was crummy. I think I'm hitting the week 2 slump (even though it's week... past that), my story's dumb and it's not going anywhere. Because I'm starting to worry about where my story is going. I don't think it's going much of anywhere. I know where I want it to go, but I don't think it's moving in that direction. Or moving much at all.

Or maybe I just need to get some decent sleep. Two all-nighters in three weekends and late nights during the week do not a coherent brain make.



(*EDIT* There was something meaningful I was going to add, but I cannot for the life of me remember what that was. Huh. Going night-night now.)

Change in POV

Twitter emailed me today, letting me know Heart_song was following me. So I followed back. And I found these two blog posts of hers, which I feel need to be shared:

Stop the Perfecution!
I don't want to be a groan up anymore!

I think I've slowly gotten over my perfectionism (I probably have NaNo to thank for that), but I could always use more help in letting it go. Now, the groan-up issue... this one is a bad weed. In early college, I think I was reading Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and read the chapter on negativity, where the guy suggested for every negative thought you have, you have to think of a positive one: if a guy cuts you off on the freeway and you call him a jerk, you have to think of three positive things to say about him. "He drives a fuel-efficient compact car, which is better for the environment;" "he might be late for work;" "his car is a pretty shade of blue." Yes, it can be hard to come up with three, but after a while your brain starts to think more positively (either that, or it learns to not think negatively, because then you have to pay for it with three nice things). I remember doing this and it working, but then I stopped... and went back to being my regular grumpy self.

The groan-up/grin-up thing is the same idea - replace your negative thought with a positive one. This is my challenge to myself. Lately, I've been griping about my job a lot. And it's easy to do, when other people gripe with you. But I like my job. I have fun there, most of the time. I like working with the kids, and I'm lucky that I do not teach a TAKS-tested subject, so admin leaves my department alone most of the time.

At times like this week, when grades are due, it can get hectic and stressful. Kids coming in Thursday afternoon or Friday morning, asking if there's anything they can do to bring their grade up... when the six weeks ends Friday at 3:45. Parents can see their kids' grades online, but not all of them know this or have signed up for it, so I need to call parents and let them know Johnny never turned in that big assignment. Do I have enough grades this six weeks? Do I have enough test grades? Did I call that parent to make sure she knows her daughter is failing because she sleeps in class or, when awake, plays Tetris on her computer? Why is it my resposibility to keep up with these things, when I have 179 students but the parents only have 2-4 kids each? Shouldn't it be the parents' responsibility to keep up with the kids' grades?

I get to work by 7:00 and usually don't leave until after 5:00, most of the time it's closer to 6:00. We do have meetings all the time (2-3 a week, most weeks). This cuts into grading/lesson planning time. There is not enough time in the day to do everything I want to do... Freddy and I had a more concrete (ie: we've set a tentative date) conversation about having kids; how's all that going to work, working this much (and still not getting it all done) and having a newborn? Will I be able to handle it? Will things get better next year, after I've taught a full year in this school, in this subject (I have a nasty habit of jumping grade levels or subjects every few years, which is starting over all over again)? Or am I just telling myself it will be easier?

It's easy to drown yourself in a glass of water... especially for me. I like drama. And personal pity parties. And I like to complain about injustices in the world, percieved or otherwise. The science department has to contact 2-3 parents a week, and TeleParent (and automated calling system with pre-recorded messages - student didn't turn in major project; sleeping in class; made an A on a test - doesn't count); the math department has to offer tutoring every day from 4-6 (don't know if they're getting paid extra; our contracts end at 4:00). My department doesn't have to do any of that, but I'll sit and whine about how unfair it is that they are required to do that - which is unfair, on top of everything else. And why doesn't TeleParent count as a way to contact parents about their kids' progress? The district is paying good money for it, we should use it! It's a great system/tool! Uh... but do I use it? It would be very easy to keep up with those parents (or cover my butt about keeping up with parents) if I used it, but I don't. Then, at the end of the six weeks, I complain that the parents should be checking up on grades, I shouldn't have to call each and every parent... when, really, all I have to do is click a few buttons on the computer. I focus on whining about things, instead of looking for solutions or focusing on the things that are going well.

And so we arrive at the end of my rambling. I should read over all this and check it for coherency, but I have to finish grading a few assignments for my level 3 classes, and I would like to hit 40K by tonight (probably won't happen; I'm at 34,356 at the moment). I'm still about a week ahead of schedule, but I want to keep my lead!!! (Have I mentioned how much I love my AlphaSmart? Because I love it lots.)

From 52 to 48 / 48 to 52 with love

Great post on Adventures at Home and Abroad.

Or, if you're too lazy to click on that link, just go to this one directly.

In other news, NaNoWriMo is going stunningly well. I'm at the half-way point already, almost a full week ahead of where I'm supposed to be. This has never happened before.

Another thing that has never happened before? Barely a blog post all November. As Marcy pointed out to me last year (when I was still a loyal Xangan), I tended to blog more in November than any other time of year - because I wrote on my laptop, usually at places with Wi-Fi. So... I would hop on over to the blog between scenes, or in the middle of scenes, or after writing one sentence, or after writing no sentences because I needed to whine about the writing not going well.

This year?

This year, I haz an AlphaSmart. It haz no Internetz. Just wordz.

I lurvez it.

And, on a side note, I believe it is more ergonomical than a laptop. It feels more comfortable to write with the AlphaSmart on my lap than to write with a laptop on my lap.

So, Internetz peeps, I'm off to get another thousand words or so in before bedtime. 'Night!

And So Begins NaNoWriMo 2008

Last night I went to the Halloween Midnight Write-In, and met my word count goal for today before 6:00 AM.

This would be more impressive if the fact weren't that it took 6 hours to write 2,000 words.

The write-in was fun, but not only are write-ins not the most effective use of writing time (comaraderie, companionship, entertainment - yes; effective use of time - no), sleep-deprived write-ins are even less productive. But I had fun, and no concrete plans for today, so it was all good.

I went to the Coffee Haus this afternoon for another write-in, and FINISHED my dissertation. There are things I need to add, and I need to rework my introduction (now that I know how the rest of it goes), and I'm sure there is much editing and tweaking that needs to take place, but the monster is now a complete monster, a finished piece, and all I need to do is fiddle with details and attachments.

So, to recap: NaNo word count met, dissertation finished and marinating. Productive weekend?

Almost.

I have not yet started my Young Writers Program novel. You know, the French one. That's the plan for tonight... but instead of starting it, I'm blogging to you nice people.

It's a cool idea and all, but rather intimidating. Even with my good friend WordReference waiting for me in the next window. J'ai peur !

(Also, there is a relatively large amount of grading that needs to get done. Today was not the day, and tomorrow's not looking good either. But we'll worry about that Monday morning.)

Flash Drive, Flash Drive - O, Wherefore Art Thou?

Brainiac that I am, I lost my flash drive. I took it out of my purse one day at school, for a very silly reason; I am almost certain I put it back in my purse at the end of the day, and took it out again at home, but, since it's missing, I can't say for sure.

Personally, I blame the cat. Gus must have knocked the thing off the desk and killed it somewhere in the house. (He's very good at killing things, as most kittens are.) I keep asking him to bring it back to me, but he's too busy killing something else (usually Indy - who whines like a little baby and takes all the abuse) to listen. I have crawled all over the floor shining a tiny little flashlight under furniture and appliances, but alas, to no avail.

This sucks on multiple levels:

• My sister gave me that flash drive. It was the first one of those contraptions I owned; I wanted to get one (floppies had gone the way of the dodo and re-writable CDs were moving in that direction as well - yes, this was back in the day when some of us still considered these archaic devices to be "viable options") but I felt I couldn't justify the expense. Then this little green thing came in the mail - and I knew it was a good one, because Marcy'd bought it. She and Zach read all those Consumer Reports magazines and such, and he's an enginerd to begin with - he knows about computer things, and stuff. In the card, Marcy had written that I could save my novels on the flash drive. My novels - because I was a writer.
• For days after I discovered it was missing, I was too scared to look in My Documents and make sure I had backed up all my NaNos and other writings to my laptop. I was keeping all of that on that flash drive (I now have several drives, each one has its "job:" teaching stuff, creative writing stuff, wedding stuff...), and I should have been smart enough to BACK IT UP ON MY LAPTOP but sometimes I'm not as smart as I should be.
• The latest version of my dissertation, for the Master's degree that's been on hold for years now, was on that flash drive. Most of it was still on my laptop, but I spent the better part of a Saturday re-organizing the paper and writing, and those words were like pulling teeth and then some. I was brilliant enough NOT to save the latest copy to my laptop... even though I had been working ON my laptop. See? I told you I'm not that smart sometimes...

This dissertation has been hanging over my head for years - and I have great excuses for each and every one of those years, but thankfully now I have a loving husband who's not going to let me get away with that much longer. If I don't get this thing finished by November, guess what's not going to happen for me. THIS IS NOT AN OPTION.

Yesterday I sat down to assess the damage. It helped a little that Saturday I'd gone to Target and bought a new, pink flash drive.

I have not opened any of the documents, but all NaNo folders (2004-present) were saved in My Documents, waiting for me, like good little children. So were other folders, labeled Novels, Stories, and Poems, which made me feel even giddier.

As for the dissertation, it wasn't as bad as I had originally thought. I must have saved halfway through that session, because the paper looked better than I remembered it; also, I was able to re-write the missing pages without removing any teeth. Always a plus.

I have about 10 pages to go; if I sit my butt in the chair long enough to get it done, I can do it this weekend (Freddy will be out of town, so there won't be much else to do). Which leaves me the next weekend to start getting ready for NaNo - yay! (I need the prep time this year: I'm "cheating" and finishing my NaNo from two years ago... which means I need to read what I wrote, to know where I was and where I need to keep going.)

Can she do it?

Only time will tell...

"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date - no time, no time!!"

I have a bazillion blog posts I need to write, but absolutely no time to even think about them. Grades are due tomorrow at 8:00 am and I am so far behind I want to cry.

Cliff Notes (not so much to keep you updated; more to remind me of what I want to write):

• I lost my flash drive, and no, I was not smart enough to save the latest copy of my dissertation on my laptop as backup.
• finally did the triathlon this weekend. Not so great. And it took up any and all free time this weekend (hence the obscene behindness on grading).
• the hypocrisy of miscarriages and abortion: "life" begins as soon as the egg is fertilized - but when a woman miscarries, do we offer proper consolation for the "death"? No, we simply treat it as an unfortunate medical condition. If we talk about it at all.
• NaNoWriMo is coming!!! (And yes, people on the forums are already starting to tick me off.)

Okay, break's over. Back to work.

Ask, and you shall receive

After writing the post this weekend looking for cold-drink travel mugs, the baseketball team at my school begins selling them on Tuesday. One of my students walks into my 2nd-period class holding a 32-oz. travel mug (for cold stuff, with a straw - okay, the straw was not included, but Sonic straws fit perfectly), shaped like large to-go cups ("tapered" at the bottom so it fits in car cup-holders), in the school's colors, all shrink-wrapped and ready to move. I was giddy.

I bought it off him right there and then, even though I think that might have been his sample mug, to show everyone else how nice they are, don't you want to buy one? And because I only had a $20 on me and he didn't have change, I bought a Dallas Cowboys one for Freddy. I'm slowly converting him to the Green Side. (Don't give me too much credit - it's not because I want to save the planet; I'm going to offer him my Script Frenzy hot-drink travel mug so I can buy this year's NaNoWriMo hot-drink travel mug.)

I even got to use the mug that very afternoon, when one of the science teachers went on a Sonic run and brought me back a cherry limeade. I didn't need to use the plastic mug, since the drink already came in a styrofoam cup (therefore defeating the green purpose), but the Sonic cup was sticky and a pretty blatant violation of the no-food-or-drink policy... at least with a HighSchool mug I'm breaking the rules while showing school spirit.