On babies "choosing"

I had to share Tanya N.s comment from the Facebook discussion I was sort-of following:

If unborn babies could see into their future and decide if they wanted to be born or not, I would be all for letting them decide. Since they CAN'T, it's up to their mother to make the best decision they can for them.

No baby chooses to be conceived or born. And again, I don't believe that aborted babies CARE that they didn't "have a chance" or not. To me, that is a projection of feelings that just don't exist...

Exactly.

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Star Wars and Women

Why 'Star Wars' Is Secretly Terrifying for Women -- powered by Cracked.com

I Hate Pumping

I hate pumping. I love breastfeeding, but I hate pumping.

Even when I get irritated because I'm trying to DO something (wash diapers, edit photos, defeat the evil demons of the overgrown inbox) and baby wants to eat AGAIN, I still love breastfeeding. I get to hold my baby, and give him something special. And he usually falls asleep at the boob, and I have a sleeping baby which is the sweetest sight in the world. Even if it means I can't get up to pee when I really, really have to go. (Who am I kidding? Not being able to pee is nothing. I have eight years of classroom-teaching training, my bladder doesn't even notice until it's gone a full 12 hours before being emptied.)

But pumping?

Ugh.

To breastfeed, all I have to do is lift up my shirt, unhook my bra, and attach baby.

To pump, I have to get my pumping bag, take out the cooler of baby milk bottles, attach the bottles to the pump shields, attach the shields to the pump tubing, plug in the pump, loop the rubber-band-dealies around my bra so they hold the pump shields, correctly position the shields on my nipples so my nipples aren't rubbing on the shields on the top, bottom, or sides, then start the machine. WEE-ooh-WEE-ooh-WEE-ooh... for twenty minutes.

Oh, before I do all that, I have to lock my office door, put a sign outside the door, cover the window with paper -- and that's because my boss is nice enough to let me pump in my office, instead of trekking all the way to the Student Health Center in the other building (which cuts into my pumping time, especially since I have to pack everything up each time; in my office I can leave the machine plugged in, at least, and I leave the tubing sort of draped over the bag, instead of stuffing it all back into its compartment each time).

If I don't pump every 3-4 hours, I tend to get clogged ducts. WHICH ARE NOT FUN. Especially when they don't want to unclog.

Even when I have to stop what I'm doing to breastfeed, I can still DO stuff while breastfeeding. I can still participate in a conversation. Or watch TV. Or even edit photos, or follow Twitter, or chip away at the frighteningly overgrown weedfest I like to call my email inbox. I have to do these things mostly one-handed, but I can still do them.

Pumping at work, on the other hand?

Everything has to come to a screeching halt. While I'm connected to my dairy-farm equipment I can't move freely, because the tubes are only so long and they're always in the way anyway and the bottles may spill and, well, I'm basically topless.

And there's no "reward." When you breastfeed, you are feeding a baby. A sweet, beautiful baby who looks at you and smiles and is happy to be there. When you pump? WEE-ooh-WEE-ooh-WEE-ooh... (After a while, it starts talking to you. Seriously. But it's just the same word, over and over... and it's usually a word that doesn't make any sense, but it keeps repeating it... and you can't NOT hear it...)

I know my coworkers talk about me. About all the time I'm not working because I'm in my office pumping. (I know because I hear them. And because they tell me to my face. How I'm "weird" because I do "all that stuff" that "regular" moms don't do. I'm not entirely sure what "all that stuff" exactly means, but there you go. Regular, normal moms, even ones who breastfeed, don't do "all that stuff" that I do when I pump. I'm just special, I guess. Or asking for special treatment. Or something.)

So not only do I not want to stop what I'm doing to pump, because it's a pain, but I also don't want to close my door to pump because I know that's right when someone is going to want to ask me something, and I'm going to be half-naked with my dairy-farm equipment strapped on, and I'm going to inconvenience that person by not being available. And, you know, because I'm lazy.

The worst part is that we take the kids on trips and things. And we have one of those trips coming up this week. We're going to be out with the kids all day -- from very early in the morning until very late at night.

And I have to go, as a chaperone, because it's part of my job and because they need lots of chaperones.

And I want to go, because it'll be a fun trip. I haven't seen the kids much lately, and I miss them. I like hanging out with them.

But guess what! I'm going to have to pump, every 3-4 hours, while on the road. Do you have any clue just how royally THAT is going to suck? (Er... no bad pun intended...)

I don't even know exactly how it's going to work: where I'm going to pump. I guess that'll depend on where we are, where we can stop, where there's a sink... There isn't a way to plan, really, so we'll just see when we get there.

But if it sucks this much to step away and "hide" in my little office to pump when we're just sitting around doing paperwork, how much is it going to suck when I have to leave the group of students I'm supposed to be chaperoning to find a hidey-hole where I can pump when we're traipsing across a college campus with our herd of high schoolers?

I guess this is one of the reasons so many moms quit breastfeeding early, huh?

International Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today is International Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day when we remember trans men and women who have died, victims of hate crimes due to their sexual orientation.

As a cis feminist, I know I'm part of the problem. Most of the names on that list (and please realize the list is really much longer; these are merely the crimes that were reported) are trans women of color. Traditionally, "feminism" has ignored cis women of color; while we're "getting better" about thinking of cis women of color when fighting for "women," we have a long, long way to go when it comes to supporting and fighting for trans women, and especially trans women of color.

I feel awkward, "unqualified" to write about this day, about these lives and deaths, about these women's lives, because as a cis woman I know nothing of what they face. I was going to post a collection of links, like Arwyn at Raising My Boychick did, but since she did it already I'll be lazy and link to her. (Yes, I realize I'm a cis woman linking to another cis woman. But she has a good collection of links.)

You should also read It Makes Sense at Questioning Transphobia. (Actually, this whole archive is good reading material.) And Helen's post at Bird of Paradox. And Remembering Our Other Dead by lucypaw.

As someone else just tweeted, my voice is not one that needs to be heard or centered today, so I should stop writing and let you go read the posts linked above.

I just want to leave you with a thought, especially if you're a protected, cozy cisgendered person like myself: yeah, very few of us can fathom murdering another person, committing the acts described here. But that's not where it starts.

How many times have you heard someone make a joke about Ann Coulter being a man, and using that as a way to attack her political views? How many times have you laughed at that joke (or RTed that comment)? How many times have you sat there silently while a friend made that comment, without challenging the transphobic attitude that inspired it?

How many times have you laughed at a sitcom where the guy is put down by being called "a girl"? Or his worth as a man, as a human, is questioned because he does something "girly," and crossing gender boundary lines like that is an unforgivable sin?

Words have meaning, and they have power. Pay attention to how you use them, and how those around you use them. Let's work to make transphobia and transmisogyny NOT be so unquestioningly mainstream, so that next year's list can be at least a little bit shorter.

The Solution to the Name Game Conundrum!

Feminists, we have a problem:

If you get married and take your husband's last name, you're an appendage to said husband. And that's BAD.

If you DON'T take your husband's name -- either because you never married him or because you married him but kept your own name -- then you still have YOUR FATHER'S last name, which means you are an appendage to your dad. Which, honestly, is kind of creepy in an icky way... so let's not go there.

(Oh, and... if you happen to NOT be part of the monogamous heteronormative binary borg... well, you're screwed. We have no idea what to do with you. Sorry, polys, genderqueers, and lesbians.)

BUT I HAVE FOUND A SOLUTION!!!

Because, really, ladies... who wants to be an appendage? Let's face it -- appendages only look good on the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who knows how to wear his noodley appendages with style. And we know neither your husband nor your dad are the FSM. (Really. Don't blaspheme. That's just not cool, dude.)

So, what's a gal to do?

We need to have a last name, but the two options open to us right now are YOKES OF THE PATRIARCHY. And we radfemz won't STAND for that -- WILL WE?

Didn't think so.

This leaves us only one option:

(Actually, it leaves us two. Because I am SO GOOD, I came up with TWO awesome solutions to this problem.)

1) We must make up our own last name.

And you can't pick someone else's name, because that's being an appendage to that other person. AND WE DON'T WANT THAT. (Remember?) Just pick something cool, that you like. And make that your last name.

For example: I shall heretofore be known as Criss L. Bananalaffytaffy. Freddy shall heretofore be known as Freddy Thebatman.

When Troy Emmitt is born, he'll hyphenate his parents' names (so he'll be Troy Emmitt Bananalaffytaffy-Thebatman*), until he's eighteen. On his eighteenth birthday, he'll pick his own last name, to replace the hyphenizationing.

*"Bananalaffytaffy" goes before "Thebatman" because you have to follow alphabetical order. Otherwise, chaos ensues.

Now, I know this option will not work for EVERYone, because some people like to have a little more continuity (or "lineage") in their families, so they can go on genealogy websites and find out if they're related to anybody famous. This is why I've designed Option #2:

2) Instead of a last NAME, everyone gets a last NUMBER.

For example, the last four digits of your Social Security number. Or your driver's license number.

So, let's say my number is 0805. And Freddy's number is 2010. I'd be Criss L. 0805, and he'd be Freddy 2010.

When Troy Emmitt is born, his last name number will be THE SUM of both his parents' last names numbers. (GENIUS, isn't it?) So he'd be Troy Emmitt 2815.

Let's say one day he marries a girl named Eugenia 3715. Their kids, my grandkids, would have the last name number 6530. See how simple it is? And you can totally trace family histories by subtracting. Everybody wins!

So, who's on board with this plan?

What's in a [last] name? NOT THAT MUCH. So get over it.

There's been lots of hullabaloo lately about "feminists" getting married, and changing their last name to the Evil Evil Man's last name, and how this MUST MEAN that these feminists are NOT feminists -- THEY ARE IMPOSTORS!!! They are SARAH PALIN!!! RABID PANIC!!!!

Seriously, people?  THIS is what we need to fight about? A freakin' last name?

Feminism's treatment of non-cis, not-heterosexual, non-white women is not stellar. That's a big strike against it. Some feminists are working to correct that, learning to check their privilege and actively work to help those that need it most.

But then... other "feminists"... pull this crap : Can I be an Appendage to a Man But Still Call Myself a Feminist? 

Really? Just because a woman decides to get married, she can't be a feminist? Just because she decides to change her last name, she's not a feminist? Just because she does the dishes while her partner is working 12-14 hour shifts at work, she's not a feminist?

If that's what "the cool feminists" do, then no thanks, dude.

Maybe I'm the one who's all backwards. I mean, here I thought "feminism" was about women breaking free of the roles imposed on them by outside parties (otherwise known as the kyriarchy), and pursuing their own happiness, their own dreams and ambitions, instead of someone else's.

Apparently, "feminism" is being part of the FemBorg. It's all about teh manhatingz. And if you break the rules, even just a little bit... YOU'RE SARAH PALIN!!!!

Now, since social equality is all about doing the dishes, does that mean I'm the patriarchy? Because Freddy's the one who does the dishes at home (his and mine). And the laundry (his and mine). And the cooking -- his and mine, even though I'm the vegetarian who requires special meals.

Is there a Feminist Handbook where I can look this stuff up? The rules are starting to get confusing.

I make Freddy do all the household chores (because I'm a lazy bum, and I spend all my time blogging and tweeting). But... I like pink. And I wear dresses. And I shave my legs (er... most of the time). And my armpits (slightly more often than my legs). 

Can I still be a feminist if I wore a pink dress at our wedding?

Can I still be a feminist if I got married?

Now, if you're going to tell me that I'm a bad feminist for getting married when same-sex couples and couples where one or both partners is trans can't, then I'm going to agree with you. Getting married was a selfish move on my part, very self-centered. If you want to take away my feminist card for that, then I'll agree with you, and hand it over.

But if you're going to tell me I'm a bad feminist because I got married in a dress and had a party, I'm going to laugh in your face.

And the name thing? Are you bleepin' serious?

My last name was "Cox." Have you ever taught high school with the last name "Cox"?

You should try it. It's fun.

You don't even have to teach high school -- an ex-boyfriend's friends thought it was HILARIOUS to ask me, "What's your middle name, Sucks?"

Freddy's last name is WAY COOLER than "Cox." First of all, there are a bazillion Coxes around. (And I'm not related to any of them.) Freddy's last name? Totally unique. And pretty.

When I get an email address assigned at work, I don't have to have numbers or anything weird after my username -- it can just be "firstinitiallastname" because THERE ARE NOT SEVENTEEN BILLION OTHER PEOPLE WITH THE SAME LAST NAME IN THE DISTRICT.

That's pretty nifty, I think.

Had I had Freddy's last name when I graduated college, I bet the university would have sent me MY diploma in the mail, instead of Renee Marie Cox's diploma. (There were 5 of us with the same last name in the College of Liberal Arts that semester, if I recall correctly.)

You know what else has ALWAYS bugged me? That my last name (Cox) was shorter than my first name (Cristina). I HATED that as a kid. I wished I could have gone by my mom's last name, Donovan, because THAT one was a decent length.

Freddy's last name? LONGER THAN THREE LETTERS.

So I changed my last name when I got married.

OF COURSE THIS MUST MEAN I HAVE NO PERSONALITY OR SENSE OF SELF OUTSIDE MY HUBAND WAAAHHHHH!!!!!

I am "an appendage."

Meh. Good to know.

Come on, people... Don't we have bigger fish to fry than last names? 

Women are bullied into unwanted and unnecessary C-sections daily, and our maternal mortality rate has risen thanks to this. Doesn't WOMEN DYING rank a bit higher than their chosen last name? 

Or what about the women who will die because of lack of access to a safe abortion? 

Or 13-year-old girls being arrested for prostitution, when they're not even old enough to consent to sex until they're at least 14? 

Or what about the legalized discrimination against trans women? Denying protection to our most vulnerable sisters, which will inevitably result in (even more of) their deaths.... but that's NOT NEARLY AS IMPORTANT as your last name!!!

Dunno... seems like there are better things on which to spend "feminist" blog space than petty name-calling. No?

VAGINA!!! TAMPONS!!!! VAGINA!!!!

This article, Rebelling Against the Commonly Evasive Feminine Care Ad, is worth the read, for the main focus of the article (Kotex's new approach to marketing tampons). But this tiny tidbit has got to be my favorite part:

Merrie Harris, global business director at JWT, said that after being informed that it could not use the word vagina in advertising by three broadcast networks, it shot the ad cited above with the actress instead saying “down there,” which was rejected by two of the three networks.

The ads are selling tampons -- which are things you stick inside your VAGINA -- but they are not allowed to say the word "vagina."


THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THE WORD VAGINA ON TV.


You can say "bitch" on TV, but you can't say "vagina." You can say "ASS" on TV, but you can't say "vagina." BECAUSE THAT ONE IS DIRTY AND OFFENSIVE.


I have been accused, in the past, of overreacting to things. Of reading too much into it. Of looking for something to be offended about.


Years ago, this must have been in the late 90s because I was still in college (sitting around at home in the morning hours because my classes were in the afternoon) I remember seeing an episode of the Christina Applegate TV show where she worked as a nurse. She had to learn how to draw blood from people, so she was practicing on an orange. Something happened, where a guy got a promotion or raise or cool assignment and she didn't, and she got all up in arms and went to the supervisor or person in charge and said that it was not fair that the guy was given X (instead of it being given to her) just because he had a penis.


They said the word "PENIS." On TV. In a sitcom. In the middle of the day, when children could be at home, watching sitcom reruns.


I remember this distinctly because a few nights before, we had been watching The Big Lebowski on that same channel. At midnight. Late at night. When children and their precious, delicate virgin ears were in bed.


AND IT WAS THE FREAKIN' BIG LEBOWSKI.


Remember the scene where Julianne Moore is painting in her art studio, and she tells Jeff Bridges her paintings resemble VAGINAS? (Or something like that. The point is that the dialogue included the word VAGINA.)

When her character said the word "VAGINA," the word was muted. IT WAS CENSORED.


AS IF SHE HAD SAID A CUSS WORD (of which there are plenty in The Big Lebowski, if I recall correctly. EXCEPT THAT VAGINA IS NOT ONE OF THEM.)


This upset me. 


Why is it okay to say PENIS in the middle of the day in TV but we cannot say VAGINA in the middle of the night on TV?


What is wrong with the word VAGINA??? Can you even begin to explain it to me??


You can say "arm" on TV. You can say "foot" on TV. You can say "nose" on TV. You can even say "breast" on TV.


Why are VAGINAS so scary and offensive and naughty???


It would be one thing if we banned the medical term for all reproductive and/or sexual organs. Now, this would put several marketing campaigns in quite a pickle in October -- how are they going to sell us PINK JUNK if they can't tell us it's for BREAST cancer awareness? Are we going to have to refer to October as HOOTER cancer awareness month?


But when you allow breast and penis, BUT BAN VAGINA, you are sending a clear message that those are okay, but THAT ONE is not. THAT ONE is dirty. And bad. And icky. Ew!!!


No, I'm not okay with that.


And neither is my VAGINA.

Working wives are bad news for Hero Husbands

Man! Freddy is going to be so excited when I tell him I'm quitting my job so he can be a HERO.

You see, according to Dr. Laura, when women work outside the home, they lose respect for their husbands. Because the MAN is supposed to be the PROTECTOR, the HERO. And how can Freddy be a hero if I'm out there working, just like he is?

I mean, of course I have no respect for him! I see him as an equal! I see us as partners -- and anybody knows that's no way to make a marriage work.

And can you imagine what would happen to our marriage if I had a job and Freddy -- gulp! -- had to stay home with the children? What if he had to -- I can barely type the words, the thought is so unpleasant -- be a father???

I would have absolutely no respect for him! Seeing the man I love utterly devoted to our children? Feeding them, playing with them, reading to them, caring for them when they're sick? Please! WHAT WOMAN WANTS THAT???

Because, really, girls... who wants a man who does a woman's job? How demeaning.

(Thanks to TheSexist for bringing all this to my attention. Now let me quit my job so Freddy can be my HERO WARRIOR PROTECTOR. He'll LOVE that, don't you think?)

Scrubs, what happened to you?

Scrubs used to be such a great show. Funny, poignant, clever... and multiracial.

Yes, the majority of the cast was white, but at least we had Turk and Carla, two huge characters. And Laverne/Nurse Roberts, before she died. (The Chief of Surgery was Asian, but that kind of follows the Asians-are-super-studious-and-are-all-doctors stereotype, so I think that cancels out the diversity.)

Then last season, when they got the new interns, we had Sunny. We also had that guy who's now on Parks and Recreation, though he left early on. We had two blond girls (in addition to Elliot), but at least we had some color on the show.

But now?

Le sigh, Scrubs.

We still have Turk, but even though the other leads from the previous incarnation have made guest appearances, and Turk is a main character in the new incarnation, we have not even mentioned Carla. Is there some sort of contract dispute between Judy Reyes and Scrubs? Or is there one now, that they have dissed her like this?

Our new "main character" is a blonde. (And a really annoying character, too, but that's another post.)

The other girl in med school is a blonde who doesn't even get lines -- she's just a prop so they can make jokes about her Australian supermodel body.

Denise, another blonde is back from the intern class. But her foil, Sunny?

*crickets*

Oh, wait, that's right. She showed up at the end of that one episode. Giving me false hope -- thanks, Scrubs writers.

At this point, I'm watching the show out of habit more than anything. The blondness is really irritating me.

Scrubs, you had such a good thing going. And this is what you do with it?

*sigh*

At least bring back Sunny.

(And make Lucy flunk out. She really sucks. Cast a brunette as her replacement, ease yourself into it. I would,t want you to sprain something, making such a drastic move as casting a Black woman or doing anything RADICAL like that.)

Day 6: Transphobia and Transmisogyny CANNOT BE a Part of "Feminism"!

(Yes, this whole thing ticks me off so much, I forgot to title this post when I first published it.)

I'm new to feminism. I'm rather wholly ignorant of its history, and am just now, in pieces, starting to learn about it.

There are some names I've heard, often, and I thought they were "good people." Good women. Sisters.

They are not.

I know there are three "waves" of feminism, and apparently the third one is the least bad, shall we say, but I don't know what each one means or entails or whatever. And at this point, I don't really think I want to put the energy into finding out.

This morning I re-tweeted a quote by a supposed "feminist," saying something about women needing to let go of their own misogyny. It was a good quote. Too bad it came from a transmisogynistic hypocrite who claimed to fight for women's rights but worked even harder to oppress and erase women who didn't look like her.

Then I found out about this blog post, eulogizing Mary Daly. I had no idea who she was until yesterday, when someone else had tweeted about her death. I Googled her, and her Wikipedia entry (I was feeling very lazy) gave a brief overview of her which did not make me mourn her passing. She chose to resign from her teaching job rather than allow dirty, stinky men in her women's studies classes. She did not consider people of color to be people, and she did not consider trans women to be women.

I'm not familiar with Shakesville, but from the comments on the Daly post, and th sentiments expressed on Twitter, it used to be a fairly trans-friendly place. Even has regular contributors who are trans folk.

Yet the post on Mary Daly sings her praises as a wonderful champion of women's rights, a foremother ahead of her time, blah blah. Not a peep about her racism or transphobia. Oh, wait! What's that, there at the bottom? Oh, there it is! It's a little footnote, acknowledging someone pointed these facets of Daly's personality in the comments to the post, and the post author wanted to say someone pointed these things out to her.

No, dude. Not okay.

Maybe you write a quick footnote to note the error, apologize for it, and say "hold on while I check on it and fix it" and then you go back and fix it. You educate yourself (which, seriously, you should have done BEFORE writing the eulogy, dude. For serious -- you didn't even go to Wikipedia?? Because it was RIGHT THERE). Then you write and appropriate response, giving at least as much screen time to the lasting hurt this woman caused as you did to blowing her kisses.

You can check out the fail in the comments section. *sigh*

(I'm irked that my comment wasn't posted until after comments were closed -- I'd written it, but I had to "verify" my account before they'd show it, and I had technical difficulties. At least it posted, which makes me happy because I have apparently become a virtual exhibitionist, but I really wanted someone to respond to my comment. Oh, well...)

This afternoon I read this post on Feministe. Same violent photo, but at least both sides were presented. Fairly, equally? I don't know.

Hate harms more than good does good. The evil that men do, as Marc Anthony said, does live after them; the good is, often, forgotten with their bones. That's not our faulty selective memory; it's much easier to rally hate and fear than it is to breed love and solidarity (Tea-baggers, anyone?) I'm not going to put the energy into studying this woman to find out which legacy is more lasting -- her work to promote rights for cis-only, white-only women, or her work to oppress, other, exclude and exterminate women of color and trans women.

Later on @genderbitch tweeted this link, which tells the story of Mary Daly that cannot be erased or ignored. Please make sure you read that one.

And on that note, I'm off to unpack (yes, from the trip I returned from on Sunday. Hush it). I was so psyched when I first claimed the term "feminist" to describe myself. I had come out of two long, abusive relationships, and calling myself a "feminist" was so empowering. But the more I learn about the "feminists" who came before me, the more I wonder if I really want to be a part of that group... Can we save it? Are we, the "new" (or whatever wave) "feminists" enough to undo all that harm? Can we own our past enough to work through it, and overcome it?

Looking at the comments from "feminists" on Shakesville, it's not looking too likely, is it?

Day 4: School is in session! Educate yourself on trans issues

(I decided to number my NaBloPoMo posts. I'm trying it out as a motivational tool. Or something.)

I spent way too much time today playing with other things (adding linky-links to the first three posts -- yes, it took me that long) and now it's almost 10:30, which is Criss's Completely Not Realistic Desired Bedtime. I have a couple of heavy topics I want and need to blog about, but I don't want to start any of them this late at night, when I'm already sleepy.

Luckily, I stumbled across this on Twitter.

I think I started following @nueva_voz from a Tweetchat on women of color. I liked what she said on that subject, and soon I found out she's a proud trans woman. In my limited world view, I had never met an "out" trans person before (is that the right term? I hope so...), and in my limited, priviledged thought process I had not ever thought about those women, or men, and how things I take so absolutely for granted can be life-threatening to them.

I've stuck my priviledged foot in my mouth (and this is a very candy-coated, understated way of phrasing it) several times, but @nueva_voz, and other amazing trans ladies I've met through her Twitter feed (I would link to them but I kind of feel that might be an invasion of privacy, me listing them as trans women here without their permission, and also some I'm not sure if they're trans or just solid allies), have been patient with me and helped me learn. They have taken the time to call me out when I've screwed up, and taught me how and why I've screwed up -- even though it's not their job, as the oppressed, to teach me, the oppressor (yes, as a cis woman, especially as a feminist, I am a member of the group that has, sadly, oppressed and attacked trans women).

So, all that rambling was supposed to be a quick introduction to the formspring question @nueva_voz answered tonight. The question: Advice for prochoice cis feminists? What should we be reading to educate ourselves on trans women's issues?

Did you click the link yet? Why not? Read her answer! Because it's useful, and detailed, and helpful. And it wasn't her job to do all that work for us cis fems.

Now, just because I like you, I'll do part of the work for you. See how nice I am?

If you call in the next five minutes, I will give you, absolutely free, the link to Questioning Transphobia. Call now!!!

(If you want to order Julia Serano's WHIPPING GIRL, you're going to have to go here to read about it, or look for it at your favorite indie bookstore. I don't like you enough to buy it for you.)

And I think this "short" blog post is long enough now. You have your reading assignments, get to it!

Women's Day of Action for Health Care Reform: The Choice Movement and [Trans] Women's Health

The choice movement is not about babies or fetuses. It's about women* and their bodies.

It's about a woman's right to medication and medical care.

For the majority of women, meaning hetero cis women, "medication" translates into birth control and "medical care" translates into pregnancy care: how to have a healthy one, how to terminate one if needed, and how to avoid one in the first place.

When we talk about "women's health" we are, sadly, talking about hetero cis women, and we usually end up talking about birth control and pregnancy, even though hetero cis women do have other medical needs, not related to their reproductive organs.

Now here's the newsflash: not all women are hetero cis women. And guess what? They have medical needs too.

I am pro-choice because I have a right to tell my body what to do, not the other way around. I have a right to use birth control to make my periods regular, to reduce my cramps and other PMS symptoms, and to avoid unwanted pregnancy.

Now, for me personally, I'm lucky that my periods are pretty regular, and I don't really suffer from cramps. (I did have that one issue with the unwanted pregnancy, though.)

For me personally, I'm also lucky that what's between my legs (i.e., my sex) matches what's between my ears (i.e., my gender). That's another medical need I personally do not have. But millions of trans people do.

Just as I have a right to tell my body what to do and what not to do (by using birth control to regulate my periods or keep me from getting pregnant), a trans woman has the same right to control her body and tell it what to do and not do. And, if anything, I'd say a trans woman's needs trump my own; if worse came to worst I could control my body by not having sex or trusting the rhythm method. But a trans woman doesn't have another choice.

Disclaimer: I am new at this. I am probably going to screw up language and I know I am talking with little knowledge of trans medical needs and care. If I do screw up, please let me know, and I will correct myself.

A trans woman's body tries to act like a man's body. It tries to grow hair on her face and have a deep voice and not grow breasts or have the proper curves. Her body betrays her. The only way she can control this is with medication and/or(?) hormone therapy. She needs this medication just as much as, if not more than, I need birth control.

When we talk about women's rights and women's basic health care we need to make sure we also talk about trans women's rights and trans women's basic health care.

They may not need access to birth control, but they need access to hormone therapy (and/or other medical treatment of which I'm ignorant) if they choose to do that.

Then there's the day-to-day medical care. For me, it's things like my yearly well-woman exam, breast exams, so on and so forth. And those other things that come up randomly, like yeast infections, UTIs, etc. When any of those things comes up, I have the right and the ability to go to a doctor to get the care I need to fix the problem. Even if I don't have health insurance to help me pay for it, I know I can go to a clinic, such as Planned Parenthood, and get the care I need.

A trans woman also has the right to this, but at the moment, she does not have the ability to go to a doctor or a clinic to get the medical care she needs. Mainly her medical needs don't "match," according to cis standards, with her gender.

It's been decades now since we cis women have had to resort to the coathanger in a back alley. But for trans people, a back alley butcher with homemade tools is the only medical care they have access to. Part of the reason, I'm sure, is that insurance companies don't approve claims for Pap smears for men, or testicular cancer screenings for women. Part of the reason is doctors' offices don't know how to file paperwork for someone who was born a "man" but is now a woman. (This is a damn stupid reason, but it happens, and it's a barrier to medical care.) Part of the reason is probably that your average doctor or even your average OB/GYN doesn't know how to treat a trans person's needs.

Cis women have a specialist they can go to who knows all the details of their bodies. Why can't trans people have a specialist, a trans doctor, who specializes in treating their medical needs?

Do they even teach this stuff in medical school? I know a while back we pro-choice feminists got all up in arms about an anti-choice bill that wanted to remove the "abortion" pages from medical textbooks. Do those textbooks have any "trans" pages in them to begin with? Is this part of a med student's training? My very uninformed guess is NO.

I know it's easy for us cis women to say we're not qualified to speak up on trans issues because we don't know enough about it. We don't know what their needs are, we don't know what it's like to go through a gender transition. If we don't know what their needs are, how can we campaign for their needs? How can we advocate for their rights, when we don't know that much about the issue?

Do we allow cis men to get away with that cop-out when we're talking about cis women's reproductive rights?

So, guess what. If you don't know, learn. Find out. Ask. Engage trans women in the conversation. They're out there, and I bet they have a lot to say.

Ask your doctors and other medical professionals. They should be the experts, right? Find out if they are.

Does your primary care physician serve trans people? Are they welcome in your PCP's office?

Does your OB/GYN know how to serve the needs of trans women seeking hormone therapy? Does your OB/GYN treat trans men?

Does your local clinic offer services to trans people? Are they made to feel welcome there?

All women have a right to basic health care. This includes access to medication and medical treatment. This includes yearly exams, regular checkups, and any other specific diseases, infections, maladies, or concerns that pop up in-between. This includes birth control, pre- and post-natal care, labor, and abortions. And it also damn better include trans people's needs.

Even if the details of the execution (birth control v. hormone therapy) are different, the moral principle is the same. If you are pro-choice, as I like to proudly call myself, and fight for your right to basic medical care specific to your body and reproductive organs, then you need to also fight for a trans person's right to do the same.

We are feminists. We fight because the patriarchy has oppressed us for years, and we're not going to take it anymore. But we need to be aware that we are not the only group who has been and is oppressed, and I for one want to make sure that I am not oppressing anyone else. I don't want to do to others what has been done unto me.

If we leave trans women out of the discussions of and demands for women's health, then we are oppressing that group of people. And that goes against everything feminists fight for.

The health care reform debate has been hijacked by talk of abortion, which is sad because women's health care is so much more than that, even if we're only looking at the limited cis woman's definition of health care. But in all these talks, in all these calls and letters and petitions, can wen please include trans women? Can we let their voices be heard? They need health care reform more than any of us.

*See fourth paragraph from the end. But first, read all the paragraphs between the asterisk and the fourth paragraph from the end. And then read the last three paragraphs. All that to say, "women" means different things to different people; we need to be inclusive of all women.

Meet Violet, and Second Story Press

Apparently, it's Book Week at Criss's blog.

Looknig through my apparently long-forgotten Google Reader subscriptions, I came across this book trailer on Literanista's blog, and I wanted to share it with you because I thought it was cute (and very clever):

The book is published by Second Story Press, which has this to say about itself:

Second Story Press was co-founded in 1988 by Margie Wolfe and three other women dedicated to publishing feminist-inspired books for adults and young readers. We are proud to be marking our 20th year of publishing award-winning books that entertain, educate, and empower.

(The only bad part is they're in Canada, and focus primarily on Canadian authors. Which I totally dig, but leaves me out. *pout* Unless I move there. Which is not necessarily out of the question...)

Queen Bees & Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman

I had another post planned for tonight. But then I found out Rosalind Wiseman is giving away copies of the revised edition of Queen Bees & Wannabes (yes, the book Mean Girls was based on), and I had to write this post to let you know, and to give myself another chance to win a signed copy of the book.

I loved the movie, and wanted to get the book, but my to-be-read pile is a monster that grows faster than Gremlins caught in a Texas thunderstorm, while my finances, on the other hand... do the opposite. So I never got the book, even though I know it would be an awesome read.

Then I heard about this giveaway, and went on Rosalind's webpage, and saw some of her videos, answering girls' questions. Videos like this one, where she answers a letter from a girl whose twin sister is hooking up with guys, which not only bugs the sister but is also starting to affect her own life:

I love it all: the advice on how to deal with those guys coming on to her; the way sisterly relationships go, and how easily and quickly they can go south because of the familiarity, and how to avoid this; and how to address the issue with her sister, in a way that will not lead to an angry argument where neither listens to the other.

Then there's this video, where a girl asks about her angry feelings toward her father, who is, in my opinion, a worthless piece of sh!te abusive parent:

I should stop watching these videos, or I'm going to want to post them all... but allow me ONE more. Is it demeaning to ask a girl, "Are you PMSing?" anytime she doesn't immediately fall to her knees and do your bidding?

So, yeah. Who DOESN'T want to read a book written by this woman???

***EDIT***

Oops! Forgot to add (from Rosalind's website):

Also, don’t forget to catch Rosalind talking about the brand new version ofQueen Bees & Wannabes on the Today Show on Wednesday, October 14 in the 8 o’clock hour!

My Cis Priviledge & the #ProChoice Movement

One of the pro-choice movement's favorite phrases, which we repeat often on Twitter in the "I am #prochoice because" meme*, is "Men can't get pregnant."

Sometimes we qualify the statement a little, prefacing it with "100% of the men who are anti-choice will never be pregnant." In those cases, we're saying we're referring specifically to men who identify with the anti-choice movement, and it is likely (in my uninformed opinion) that those men are cis men, who will, indeed, never be pregnant.

For those of you who don't know what "cis" means, just like I didn't until a few weeks ago, here's a definition of it courtesy of Arwyn at Raising My Boychick's glossary:

Cis is a Latin prefix meaning “on this side” or “on the same side”; it was purportedly first used in the form “cisgender” by Carl Buijs in 1995 (or 1994). Writer and professor of biology Julia Serano uses all three terms in her book Whipping Girl; she credits first learning of them from Emi at eminism.org. Cisgender and cissexual are adjectives for those who are not transgender or transsexual. Much like we refer to trans persons, we might also refer to cis persons.

These terms mean, simply, that one’s intrinsic or subconscious sex (or gender) is in accord/agreement with one’s external, physical sex/gender, and always has been. Much like the term “heterosexual” (or “straight”) when it was first introduced, some cis individuals are offended by the term; this is a nonsensical, privileged position, however: as Monica Roberts puts it so well, Cisgender is not an insult.

So, cis men will never be pregnant. We need to qualify our statement, because trans men can get pregnant. When we say, "Men can never get pregnant," we are lying, and we are excluding and oppressing trans men.

First, we cannot exclude trans men and their reality from our language and our activism, but we also need to realize that, hello, they deserve the same reproductive rights and protections that we cis women are asking for. We need to include trans men in our language and in the fight itself.

I didn't follow the story when it was breaking and I still don't know much about it now, but remember the pregnant man on Oprah? The headline on this ABC News story pretty much says it all: "It's My Right To Have A Kid, Pregnant Man Tells Oprah." D@mn straight it's your right! That's what the pro-choice movement is about: nobody has a right to tell you what you can and cannot do with your uterus. No matter what your gender is -- if you have the equipment and want to use it, go for it.

Although I have done no research on this, I would wager the majority of trans men is on the other side of the issue. Not looking forward to a wanted pregnancy, but being the victims of rape and staring at an unwanted one, needing to terminate it.

I don't want to say much on this issue because I am so wholly ignorant on it, and I don't want to talk out of my @$$ about stuff I don't know. But this realization has made me ask myself several questions... when we (cis women in the pro-choice movement) raise a ruckus about access to birth control, including emergency contraception, to teens and availability of EC for rape victims at hospitals, are we asking for that same access and availability for trans men? How are trans men treated at the ER after a sexual assault? Do they even seek medical assistance, or do they know how they will be treated by doctors, hospitals, domestic violence shelters, and therefore never get the help they desperately need?

How are we fighting for their rights?

What about trans women? Now, they can't get pregnant, but that doesn't mean they don't have reproductive health needs. The pro-choice movement is about granting women access to basic health care, about giving women control of their bodies. But so far the only issues we have addressed are cis women's reproductive needs and health care. What do trans women need? How can we include them in the fight?

When we talk about domestic violence, and helping women who are victims of DV, are we helping trans women? Or are we, again, looking only at cis women's needs, and only providing help and care to cis women?

How do we fix this?

All this was much simpler when I only looked up. I looked above me, at those that are oppressing me, and boy was I good at pointing fingers at others and pointing out their privilege. The other day, I royally shoved my cissexist foot into my privileged mouth. And for the first time I looked down, at those below me, those I was oppressing.

No, I didn't mean to oppress them. I didn't mean to exclude them. But that doesn't mean I wasn't doing it, and that doesn't mean its effects were not just as damaging as if I had been doing it on purpose.

I'm going to stop doing it. Because it was not a pretty feeling when I realized I was doing to others what others were doing to me. It was not a pretty feeling when I realized I, too, was part of the kyriarchy. And I don't want to be part of a movement that supports it, either.

*please tell me I'm using "meme" correctly. I don't really know what it means and I'm too lazy to look it up, so I'm hoping I've seen it enough times that I've correctly guessed the meaning from context. If I didn't, please don't make fun of me.

Special Link Appearance by Criss!

Did you see me???

Laura at Adventures of a Young Feminist linked to me here!

And guess what? I also made it into the Fifth Carnival of Feminists, hosted by Chally at Zero at the Bone!

I feel all famous and stuff.

Watch out, soon I'll be asking for hand-picked monochrome M&Ms in my dressing room.

(Or blogging room.)

(Whichever.)

Did you see all the wonderful bloggers I'm among in both those lists?

It's like I'm Helen Hunt at the 1997 Oscars, nominated along with Dame Judi Dench and Julie Christie and Helena Bonham Carter and Kate Winslet... it's an honor to be nominated, and to be nominated alongside those iconic actresses kicks the honor up a notch or two. Or seven.

(Let me take this moment to point out the above statement is in no way intended to diminish Ms. Hunt's amazing body of work previous to As Good As It Gets. Let us not forget her unrivaled performance in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, otherwise known as THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER PERIOD END OF STORY SO SHUT YOUR FACE.)

[Belated] Happy Women's Equality Day!

Okay, I admit it. I kind of blew it.

I didn't post anything on Women's Equality Day. I totally meant to, but today was rather busy. Away-from-my-computer busy. And when I did sit down at my computer, I didn't sit down to write the post I'd been thinking about.

In my defense, I was joining forces with fellow awesome feminist bloggers, planning secret conspiracies we plan to soon unleash on the unsuspecting patriarchy. Notice the new fancy "Criss is what a Feminist looks like!" blogroll over there, on the right? Those are my new friends. Go visit them, read their inspiring words, and leave nice comments for them.

So, on to Women's Equality Day. This is the day, in 1920, when we were first given a recognized political voice by being granted the power vote. A good day, all in all.

This morning, a thought struck me, and I realized it coincided nicely with today's date.

[Warning: shameless self-promotion -- oh, wait. I'm on my blog. Isn't the whole concept of a blog "shameless self-promotion"?]

Yesterday, my second guest post was published on Change.org's Women's Rights site. (Psst! That's your cue to go read it and comment on my brilliance. Then come back here, so we can finish this.)

My Equality Day thought: Barack Obama is a huge role model for minorities, especially African-American males. I remember reading or hearing someone point this out during the campaign, that if Obama won the election, for four (hopefully eight) years, black children would see The President of the United States, the Leader of the Free World, doing all those important presidential things, and he would be a black man. Someone who looks like them.

I don't know if you saw this photo when it happened, but it made me tear up. I think this is a huge thing.

Well, chicas, we have one of those now (and she even comes with her own catch phrase!) We have Justice Sotomayor. I don't care what your color or nationality, she's yours, too. We are all Wise Latinas.

The problem is the Supreme Court doesn't appear on TV quite as much as the President does.

Going back to the Equality Day train of thought (can you tell I should have been in bed a while ago?): I don't know how much of your high school US government class you remember, or how often you think about all that, but remember the system of checks and balances? We have three main branches of government: executive (President), legislative (Congress), and judicial (Supreme Court).

These three have the same power. They are equal. They are there to cancel each other out, or to keep each other in check, if need be.

Therefore, the President is not THE most powerful office, because the Supreme Court has the power to override what he (or she) says, if the issue is brought before the Court. Congress has the power to veto. The President has the best PR, but really, these three branches are equal.

Let's go back to Justice Sotomayor, and let's not forget Justice Ginsburg. They are expremely powerful women; they are in a position of extreme power. We need to recognize this, and remind ourselves of it. And remind those around us, who may not have taken great notes in their US government classes.

(I always thought I'd much rather be a Supreme Court Justice than President. Yes, I know the case has to come before the Court before the justices can have their say, but when they do have their say, it is The Last Word. And I am quite a fan of The Last Word.)

[Because I didn't want to blow it, even though I opened this window exactly at midnight, I did change the time on the post, so it shows as being posted at 11:59 on August 26th. So sue me.]

An Interview with Criss (part 3)

This is the third and final installment of our ongoing series, An Interview with Criss. Relish this post, because it's the very last one in the series.

Criss, glad to have you back.
Thanks for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.

Has anything of note happened to you in since our last interview?
Yes. Yesterday, the ankle strap on my shoe broke, and I had to spend the day with my left shoe flopping about my foot. It was slightly irritating, since I had to walk with this weird step-kick move to keep the shoe from flying off my foot.

What a riveting story!
No, not really. But you asked.

Tell me, how has feminism influenced your life? Have there been any unexpected repercussions?
Funny you should ask that. Without really meaning to, my Twitter friends list has acquired a strong feminist presence, and every day I have more links that I know what to do with.
See? I'm so excited about this, I've ended a sentence with a preposition.
I've seen how my vegetarianism fits in with my feminist beliefs -- if I believe that no one has the right to control my body, how can I feel justified in controling an animal's body? (While I'm not vegan, I'm working to take steps to become more vegan, because it's hypocritical of me to fight for my right to control my body while I abuse an animal's body merely for my epicurean pleasure.)
An unintended and... unusual side-effect of this, is that I don't feel righ picking up one of my cats anymore.

What?
Princess Vespa, the youngest before we got Gus, is rather finicky when it comes to humans. If she's in the mood, she'll allow you to pet her. Sometimes she'll even come up to you, or sit near you (not next to you, just near you) on the couch or the bed. But most of the time she just wants to be left alone. If you dare pick her up, she'll howl and make all sorts of I'M NOT HAPPY noises... and thinking of my right to my body, and my right to not have my body treated in a way I do not agree with... well, now I can't pick Princess up anymore. She has a right to have us respect her body, and her desire to not be picked up.
Which makes me sad, because she is a cute little kitten.
(Ironically, when Gus -- boy kitten -- makes noises if we pick him up, I don't mind. Now, most of the time we're picking him up to stop him from attacking one of the girls, but still. The fact that he's a boy makes the situation different, I guess. Which means I'm cat-sexist... drat!)

That's very... existential...
Or something.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with us, before you leave?
Not at the moment. But I'll let you know if I think of anything.

Great! Well, thank you so much for your time. Our readers really appreciate this insight into your life.
It's been my pleasure. Thank you.

An Interview with Criss (part 2)

This post is the second installment of an ongoing series where we interview the charismatic, brilliant, utterly talented Criss -- yes, that's right. She needs neither last name nor introduction.

Criss, thank you for joining us once again.

Oh, my pleasure. I'm sorry we were not able to continue our conversation earlier, but you must understand I'm a very busy woman. I had a lot of sitting that needed to be done, you know.

We're glad you were able to give us this time, we understand you have a very hectic schedule. Now, tell me, has anything else irked you since the last time we spoke?

Funny you should ask. I was reading through the education blogs on my Google Reader subscriptions, and I came across this post on Frank Chalk's blog. I don't know if he meant to open the can of worms he did, but the comments section will make you vomit.

I do have to point out this guy lives in the UK, where they DO have such a thing as maternity leave (and from my very limited understanding of it, it is quite generous), but that still does not give those Anonymous bas-turds any right to say the things they do.

Well, then again, can you expect much from people who leave anonymous comments?

No, you're right. The fact that they are too ashamed to put their name to their misogynistic ranting tells you they have at least enough sense to be ashamed, but, Beavis, that's no excuse.

Thank you so much for giving us your time today -- I understand you have an appointment to get to.

Oh, yes, thank you. I'd almost forgotten! Yes, I have to run. Let's continue this later, shall we?