Wrandom Ramblingss and #Preggo-ness

Hello, blogosphere. How've you been? Have you missed me?

What's been going on with you? Things have been busy over here. Just... stuff. Y'know? I'll probably tell you some of it later, but not yet. Which is WEIRD for me. I don't like feeling like I have to censor myself... you're my therapy, blogosphere. You are how I process stuff. But I can't tell you certain things, or I can't tell you yet, which sucks.

But enough of that for now.

In other news, I really wanted to do Story A Day May (as featured on InkyGirl's site), but it hasn't happened yet. I always have all these snippets of ideas that could potentially make short stories, but I never take the time to write them down. This would have been a gret way to do it. If I could remember even ONE of those bazillion snippets of ideas...

I was even going to go all daring and post my stories on le blogue, for all of you lovely people to read. WHITOUT EDITING THEM FIRST. Be all raw and real and stuff. Because yes, I am that arrogant.

But my creative energy is all gone. Maybe the fetus is sucking it all up... all my creativity is going straight to my uterus, to work on creating the fetus. Has that happened to anyone else? Or am I just making excuses?

(I'm firmly in the second trimester now, so the first-tri fatigue is gone. I still sleep lots, but I can't use the "embryo is zapping all my energy" excuse anymore.)

Maybe I should just wait until after the baby is born, so I can take it to coffee houses and pubs to take advantage of the free heating and write my stories on cocktail napkins.

In other-other news, my nails are growing WAY TOO FAST. Now that the fake nails are gone, I'm left with sharp, brittle natural nails. They are ANNOYING. How do you people do this? I have to cut them every week. Or I scratch myself. And I have the cats to do that, I don't need to injure myself. Not with Gus Attack Kitteh in the house.

Speaking of #preggo-hood and its side effects, I am now an Official #Preggo. Freddy and I went maternity-clothes shopping yesterday. One pair of (work-pretty) pants, two nursing tops, two bras, and three maternity tops (on sale): $200. Not even a full week of clothing. $200. HAVING A BABY IS EXPENSIVE. And we haven't even gotten to the baby part yet!

I do have to say my boobs are very happy to be in a bra that fits. Maybe that's why I've been so cranky lately... those blasted underwires digging into my flesh.

I am a WINNER #nanowrimo #dfwrhinos

Last night, or rather this morning, at about half past the midnight hour, I validated my NaNoWriMo novel, SHOWMANCES: ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND THEATER. All 50,134 words of it.

Sadly, at around 49,000 words, I realized that was the point when my novel should have started.

And here I was, looking forward to a month of editing my 2004 NaNovel and reading books and the like, thinking I was done with SHOWMANCES for the time being.

Do I write out the rest of it, at least a slim skeleton of what the rest should be?

Do I put it aside, and finish edits and rewrites and newrites (it needs a lot of work) on the novel I was working on before November?

Do I try to do it all at once? (Monday, Wednesday, Friday: 2004 NaNo. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday: 2009 NaNo. Sunday: collapse?)

You know what would be cool?

If I didn't have a pesky day job, and could write full-time.

An Interview with Criss (part I)

I know you are all anxious to hear what Criss has been up to lately, since she has not been blogging because she is way too busy leading her glamorous, fascinating life. In order to catch you up quickly, we have decided to offer this special interview right here, on Criss's blog, for your reading pleasure.

Criss, thank you for joining us, here on your blog. It truly is an honor.

The pleasure is mine.

So, tell us, what have you been up to lately?

Oh, not much. I started my new job, which is very nifty. So far, I'm liking it a lot (it's only been a week and a day, but I still feel confident saying that).

It's good to know the job's going well.

Thanks. The only thing that irks me is that this job, as is the norm in the US, apparently, does not offer any sort of maternity leave pay, and I can't even take the Family & Medical Leave Act until I've been there for a year. It's kind of depressing to realize now that I should have had a kid last year, while I was at my last job, where I had 30+ personal and sick days saved up (so I could pay myself to take six weeks off). So Freddy's and my plans to start a family will have to be pushed back a little, but I guess it could be worse.

Of course, I've got my fingers crossed that we get some sort of decent health care plan passed soon!

How's the writing going?

I've been working on a couple of stories for contests. I've been neglecting my novel, but I will be getting back to it this week.

Have you had any run-ins with borderline psychotic characters in the last week or so?

Funny you should ask! I had a... well, shall we say an "interesting" exchange with a complete random stranger at Borders the other night, when I was with the members of my critique group. We were discussing another writer's story, a male writer's story, and a female colleague and I were pointing out how his satire could go unnoticed and be taken as gospel by people such as George Sodini. This led to tangential discussions of the concept that women are not baby-making machines, and that -- gasp! -- we are independent, thinking beings. Now, I was not the only one voicing these thoughts; there was sarcasm used (which might have been this bloke's problem, perhaps it was beyond his grasp), and, again, this was all being discussed in the context of the story, and how it could be misrepresented especially with the recent events in mind.

Anyway, out of nowhere this guy comes up from behind me and shows me an iPhone (encased in a very pretty purple cover) showing a photo of kids sitting on some railing. He asked me what I thought of it, and since I had no idea what to think of it because I had no idea what he was showing me or WHY, I eventually said something along the lines of, "Uh... cute." He then said he was glad his wife didn't think like me, that my ideas were outdated by 200 years, and that people who think like me are going to be responsible for the downfall of society.

Are you serious?

Yes -- as the members of my writers group! I tried to ask the guy exactly what it was that I thought, since, you know, he knew me so well. But, of course, he kept his tail tucked tightly between his legs and yelled gibberish at me as he left the store.

What a loser.

I know. You wanna know the best part? The guy left his wallet on the table [at the Borders Cafe]. I was tempted to do something, if nothing else to take it out to him and make him talk to me, for lack of a better expression, "like a man" before I gave it back to him, but one of the other guys in our group jumped to action before I could. The loser just said "Thank you," didn't say anything about disrupting our group with his caveman babbling.

There's just no reasoning with some people.

No, there's not. I wish that group were smaller than it is, though.

What do you mean?

Well, just today, for example, I read this post on Feministing, about the backlash against organizations that are calling the Pennsylvania shooting an act of misogyny. The commenters quoted say that there is no culture of misogyny in this country, because we allow women to walk outside on their own and we don't force them to cover their face and women can go to school and get jobs and stuff.

It seems I've heard several times this week -- okay, I've read, really -- this idea that "we don't need feminism anymore because we've fixed it already." I agree we've come a long way from June Cleaver and all that, but we're in no way "done." That things are much better doesn't mean they're "fixed." That's like saying we've "fixed" the problem of racism because Barack Obama is President. Sure, it's great, and a long way from the days of separate water fountains, but we still have a long way to go. Maybe you aren't racist, or you don't see its effects in your neighborhood, but the problem is still there, and we have to keep fighting.

Not an hour after I read the Feministing post, I clicked on this story, about Hillary Clinton being asked what her husband thought of the growing influence of China. The guy didn't dare ask HILLARY CLINTON what HILLARY CLINTON thought, he asked her what her husband, "through Mrs. Clinton" thought. She responded by saying her husband was not Secretary of State, she was. She could tell the kid what SHE thought, but she was not going to "channel" her husband.

As you can see from the article, they use a photo -- FROM ANOTHER EVENT -- where Hillary is caught in mid-word, making a weird face. That's disrespectful; I know that's a game the media plays, but let's not ignore that it is a game they play. Then, the text of the article talks about her "losing her cool" and how she "finally had enough" -- implying she exploded in frustration -- and that she "snapped" at the student, adding "Clinton wasn't done" again, giving the impression of a long beating and the bully coming back to kick the guy in the gut while he was down just one more time.

There's not a culture of misogyny? Then how do you explain that a woman asserting herself and stating a FACT is protrayed this way? And let's not even get into the comments section of that article. Of course, how could we talk about a woman acting in any way that could be percieved as less-than-submissive and NOT make a comment about it being "her time of the month."

If you want to see the actual exchange, I'll post it for you below. So you can see that ALL SHE DID was assert herself. HOW DARE A WOMAN DO THAT. You wanna see someone REALLY "lose her cool"? Come ask me about this issue.

I see what you mean. Watching the video, you can tell she feels insulted, as she should, but she very much keeps her cool and tells the student that if he wants to ask her about HER opinion she'll be glad to answer, but that she's not there to speak for her husband. She's composed when she says this.

Exactly.

Well, it's getting late, and I know you have to be up early tomorrow, so I don't want to keep you. How about we continue this tomorrow?

Sounds good to me.

Editing letter by Lara Zielin (or, How I Feel About My Bloody Dissertation)

My dissertation has been hanging over my head for AGES. I have finally kicked my butt into gear and done some serious work on it; I thought I was DONE, and I sent the work to my dad and brother to read. You know, to proof, make sure I didn't have stray commas or typos... make MINOR changes and suggestions.

INSTEAD, I was told to add HISTORICAL CONTEXT to all the stuff I was saying. So I had to do ALL THIS RESEARCH and get FACTS and INFORMATION to back up the claims I was making.

THEN I was again DONE -- to the best of my knowledge. Then my dad sends me ANOTHER BOOK, the autobiography of one of the members of the band (whose song lyrics I'm using to reflect the social, cultural, and political feelings of the youth in Chile in the 80s, under Pinochet's dictatorship). I have sticky notes all over the first half of that book, more stuff I can out in my paper to make it better.

So NOW I have to get the lead singer's autobiography too. After all, he's the guy who wrote all the songs I'm talking about, and he's the one with the angry political sentiments.

But, you see, this book isn't really and Amazon Pick of the Week type book. I found one place where I can order it, for $16. Which is not bad. But my two shipping options are: 3-day shipping for $46, or 20-day shipping for $22. There's a bigger difference between 3 and 20 days than between 22 and 46 dollars, don't you think?

(If you'd been working on this bloody paper as long as I have you would very much indeed think, trust me.)

Do I just leave the bloody dissertation as is, or do I fork over $62 for this book?

I found another site that will sell me the book for $9, with $39 shipping, but those amounts are in Chilean pesos (I'm too lazy to look up the exchange rate) and I don't know how long the shipping will take (it does say DHL, so I'm assuming it's relatively not-eternal). Do I go for that one?

I've tried buying the $62 book twice now, but the server can't process my transaction at this time. Is this God sending me a message?

Blogosphere, what say you?

To buy or not to buy, that is the question...

DFW Writers' Conference

Last weekend I attended the DFW Writers' Conference. I'd heard about the conference over a month ago, and had wanted to go... but kept flip-flopping on it. The conference was 10 minutes from my house, and the price was extremely reasonable, but I was too chicken to call myself a real writer and go.

Thankfully, Friday I came to my senses. (And thankfully, the conference accepted walk-in registrations.)

And you know what?

Turns out I'm as much of a poser as I thought.

I have written novels, but I have not yet taken the time to sit down and edit/rewrite any of them. I did the easy part, I vomited out a first draft. I have beautiful excuses why I have not yet done the hard part, but as pretty as my excuses are, the magical writer's elves have not yet snuck into my laptop and worked their elvish magic on my manuscripts. I don't feel I can call myself a "writer" because I haven't done the hard part of writing.

While I have not been writing/editing, I have been reading. Reading agent blogs, reading queries, reading blog posts on how to best edit your ms, so on and so forth.

The conference started with a Q&A with the agents who were there for the pitch sessions. Everything I learned in that Q&A I'd already learned in #queryfail and on agents' blogs. I even knew why the questions that were being asked were, for the most part, pretty dumb questions.

I know I'm a newbie, and I know I have a lot of work to do on my manuscripts, but I'm not a clueless newbie. And I know what I don't know, and have an idea of how to find it out.

The conference was organized by the DFW Writers' Workshop, a massively large critique group that meets, again, a hop, skip, and a jump away from my house. In order to join, you must pay a $100 yearly membership fee, which is what has kept me from going to their meetings (you can go twice for free, to feel them out, but after that you have to pay). Having met some of the members of the group at the conference, I'm much more inclined to fork over the money, especially since there are published writers in the group who write in my genres (my other crit groups don't have YA/chick-litty/women's fiction writers). And while $100 seems steep, if you think about it, with 52 weeks in a year (they meet every Wednesday -- regardless of rain, sleet, snow, hurricanes, or holidays), that's $2 a meeting. While my other crit groups don't have membership fees, we meet at Borders, where I usually spend $5 a meeting to stimulate the economy and thank Borders for letting us use their cafe (because, yes, you have to twist my arm to get me to buy that chai latte and banana chocolate-chip muffin). So, when you think about it, $100 is not that bad, is it?

Plus, if I'm paying to be in the group, that might motivate me to actually bring stuff to read...

I AM A WINNER!!!

I am now the proud owner of 100 pages of sheer drivel.

(You see, I say that... out loud. But, inside my head, I like what I wrote. Most of it. And I think it could go somewhere. After some editing... or something.)

Woot for me!

The Epic #AmazonFAIL of 2009

Yesterday (Easter Sunday) I was, indeed, hiding under a rock. Freddy and I went to church, then to his mom's house to do the Easter thing with the nieces and nephew. I was a good girl and did not take my laptop*. ALAS! I log on to Twitter this morning and find out I indeed missed quite a bit of brouhaha.

Quick run-down of the events: Why did gay books disappear from Amazon?

Why the "glitch" story doesn't really click: David Niall Wilson: Glimpses Into an Overactive Mind - Amazon Sales Rank and Some Reality

What to do about it: Smart Bitches - Amazon Rank and Dear Author - Amazon Rank

Or, if you're so inclined, here's something else you can do: Jackson Pearce's Amazon FAIL (or: Twilight Made Me Gay)

Other good posts (this list will be updated as I find more links. And find the ones I already read, but closed the window before I realized I needed to blog about it):

After Ellen - What Amazon's "Glitch" Says About American Pop Culture

Narcissistic Ramblings... - And ANOTHER Fail Sister: #amazonfail

Urban Dictionary: Amazon rank

[EDIT] Feministing.com - Amazon Fail: Certain "adult" books (like mine) are de-ranked

[EDIT 2] Neil Gaiman - Amazonfail Sunday

[***UPDATE***]

This guy claims he did it. I don't understand all that code-speak, so here's the explanation in layspeak (from Fiction Matters).

The guy quite clearly has an issue with gay people. I can't tell how much of his post is serious, and how much is him trying to be funny (I'm not going to waste time out of my life to find out). Was he just trying to pull some prank on the gay community? Was he out to target authors (gay and straight)? Did he really find Heather Has Two Mommies that offensive?

Did he choose which books people "flagged"? Or did people choose the books? If the guy chose the books, why are feminist books and books that deal with disabilities also being targeted?

And as I was writing this, FictionMatters updated the post, because this guy says the first guy is a liar (which is not entirely surprising to me). I started to read the post, but it speaks a language I do not understand. So I stopped, since I prefer not to pursue fruitless endeavors.

[***UPDATE***THE SEQUEL***]

And there's more! Jessica Valenti from Feministing (who's had two books de-ranked) has an update, after her editor spoke to an Amazon rep.

[***UPDATE***THE SEQUEL***PART DEUX***]

There seems to be an "unofficial official" response from Amazon. FictionMatters has a summary and links to the "unofficial official" explanations.

* I took my AlphaSmart, in case Script Frenzy inspiration hit me. (It didn't.) But I left all Internetzed devices at home.

Neil Gaiman on The Colbert Report

Frankly, I'm ashamed to admit I have not read anything by this gent* yet.



Video shamelessly stolen from Inkygirl.

*Gaiman, not Colbert.

Calls for #agentfail, and other thoughts

Good grief, are we still talking about this? Seriously?

Okay, so the topic this time is a little different; this is about having an #agentfail day. And why it's so unfair that writers cannot even think about posting any sort of #agentfail because of the terrible repercussions the mean, evil agents will smite them with if they are foolish enough to dare (the whining is in the comments, not the post).

Look, people, this is just like any other job. One person is asking for the job, the other is sifting through all the people asking for jobs and picking out the few that look good. This is not an unfair balance of power; this is the way it always has been, period.

I applied for a job at Borders last summer. They never called me for an interview.

I also applied for a bunch of copyediting jobs when I quit teaching the first time. I was told my degree was in the wrong subject: I majored in Spanish, not English or journalism. The fact that I had TAUGHT English for four years mattered not a whit. Nor did my degree matter when I applied for a bilingual copyeditor position.

I applied for a job as an academic advisor with UTA's College of Education. I received a nice email telling me I was not qualified (despite my experience in education at the secondary and elementary levels, and navigating the uncertain seas of certification).

So, how we don't have an #HRfail Day?

Because that would be stupid.

If given the chance to do any of the above jobs, I would do better than the average Joe.* But these people did not even grant me an interview, did not even give me a chance to begin to tell them how I can do the job better than most, even though, on paper, I don't have the necessary requirements. All they had to do was give me a chance!

But they didn't. And that's how it goes. EVERYWHERE.

These HR departments don't "owe" me anything. I do not deserve an interview simply because I applied. I do not deserve the job simply because I asked for it. And I should not be applying for the job when I don't meet the minimum requirements clearly posted on the website.

Same with the agents. They don't "owe" you a read any more than any employer owes you an interview. They don't owe you a quick reply any more than an employer does -- I interviewed for a job over two weeks ago, and was told I'd hear back in about two weeks. Am I getting my panties in a bunch and hollering #HRfail? No, because that would be stupid and immature. (The job is at a school district. They're remodeling the admin offices over Spring Break, and the two-week mark from the interview was the Tuesday before Spring Break. Did I really expect to hear back from them the week before Spring Break?)

Another whine-fest topic is agents who Twitter when they're behind on reading queries. HOW DARE THEY NOT SPEND EVERY WAKING MINUTE DEVOTING THEIR LIFE TO YOU.

There are 168 hours in a week. The average person only spends 40-50 of those hours working. The average salaried paycheck only pays you for 40 hours. This leaves 118-128 hours for the agent to spend as he or she chooses; if we allot 40-50 of those hours to sleeping, that still leaves 68-88 hours for other stuff. Like Twitter. When, late on a Sunday night, I see an agent take a few seconds to bemoan an inbox of 400+ emails, my first thought is not, "How dare she waste her time like that?" but rather something more along the lines of, "Good golly, she has a much stronger work ethic than I do."

I refuse to grade on weekends. Not anymore. Screw it. My weekends are MINE.

Yes, I know agents work on comission. But that doesn't mean they are not allowed to have a life. Work to live v. live to work, and all that.

You can easily turn the argument around to the writer -- what are you doing on Twitter and writing whiny comments on blogs when you should be working on your writing? Polish that query letter, research more agents, edit that ms, start your next project. Or just grow up and quit whining.

Okay, now I'm done venting. So I can get back to cleaning. And, later, writing.


*And, come on! Freakin' Borders? What, I can't handle shelving books in alphabetical order and pushing buttons in the regster?? I've done it before, dude!

#queryfail was NOT agents "mocking" writers!

I thought about Tweeting my thoughts on #queryfail yesterday (when people were bashing it), or commenting on Nathan Bransford's blog today (where the comments flew off in an anti-#queryfail tizzy), but I think I'm too wordy to be contained in those spaces.

Look, people: if you don't like it, don't read it. Why is this so hard to figure out?

Seriously. All the people Tweeting yesterday about how much they did not like reading #queryfail? STOP READING IT. And go do something else.

Now, to all the people with their panties in a bunch for those poor writers who "worked so hard" -- NOT reading submission guidelines or spellchecking -- and who never "gave permission" for their "intellectual property" to be "used": uh, do you know much about the purpose of a query? Let me explain it to you. See, you send an agent a query, so that the agent asks for your novel. If your query is good, the agent tries to sell your novel to a publisher. Then the book gets published.

This means YOUR WORDS ARE OUT THERE FOR EVERYONE TO READ. And you know what happens next? PEOPLE POST ANGRY, UGLY REVIEWS ON AMAZON.

If you can't handle less-than-140-characters of your query anonymously quoted in a thread moving almost too quickly to read, then how in 'tarnation do you expect to handle being published?

The agents were not being "mean." They were telling it like it is, and they WERE providing information to writers. They were also not "cherry-picking" queries to make fun of -- the point of it all was to show HOW MANY bad queries they get a day. The agent is sitting in front of his laptop, reading the queries as they come in. He reads a crappy one, and copy/pastes the line to Twitter and adds the hashtag #queryfail. OH MY GOODNESS THAT TOOK SO MUCH TIME.

Seriously, most of the people griping about #queryfail (on the two blogs I've read tonight where it has come up) DON'T EVEN TWITTER. This was not Query Shark with unsuspecting queriers, posting the full letter which yes, would be totally recognizable -- this was TWITTER. 140 characters -- actually, 129 because "#queryfail" is 10 characters, plus a space). And many of the Tweets were not even quotes from the letters, but explanations of what the person did wrong. Look, if you weren't there, or if you don't generally hang out there, then you don't know what's going on. You don't know what it's like, how we Twitterati communicate. So don't bash when you don't know.


As a teacher, I felt the agents' pain. How many students REFUSE to follow directions, and turn in the assignment however they want to do it? TONS. Guess what happens to them?

FAIL.

As in, literally. A fifty if I'm in a good mood; less if I'm utterly fed up with that kid.

And guess what happens to them when they graduate into The Real World? They go on to write stupid queries that irritate agents.

(But that will make my query look golden when they open mine right after one of those gems.)

Also, as a teacher looking for a job outside the classroom, I learned A LOT from #queryfail.

You see, I've never had to apply for a real job. I've applied for teaching jobs, which is kind of a joke. I have a degree in the subject I teach; I teach a high-needs subject; I am actually certified (through an accredited university, through a full teacher certification program). I send in my application and the district will hire me.

If there is one thing you can say for teaching, it's job security.

So I've never been in a position where I've had to fight other applicants or impress the recruiter. (The fact that I want to teach is impressive enough; that I actually know my subject just blows their brains away.) Now, I'm fighting for jobs with other people who are as qualified as I am, but have more impressive resumes (because they have not been wasting their talents in a classroom).

Yesterday I sat down to write an email to a higher-up at my teacher union, pretty much asking her for a job. I've written a few of these emails lately. Before I started reading agents' blogs and studying query letters and hearing agents gripe about dumb mistakes in query letters, I would have written an email similar to this:

Hi!
I want to work at TSTA. Are there any jobs open?

Thanks!
:) Criss.

Instead, I started out with a proper, professional salutation. I made a personal connection with the person. I Googled information I could have easily found for myself instead of asking her, and making myself look dumb and lazy. I sold myself, giving her a quick run-down of my skills/talents/qualifications, without boring her or pushing my entire resume and letters of recommendation on her. I did it the smart way, following common-sense query guidelines.

I am eternally grateful to Colleen Lindsay and other agents who have helped me learn these things.

If #queryfail was not your cup of tea, then don't follow it next time it comes around. But let's all pretend we're grown-ups and deal, please.


[Edited to add links I forgot to link. This is what happens when you write angry.]

WAG #1 results, and the new Adventure!

From Nixy Valentine's blog:

WAG #1 results and WAG #2 guidelines below!

Wow! You guys are the best. I wasn’t certain how many would participate, but I’m really glad to see so many getting into the spirit of things. The assignment this week was to describe the sky. This was observational, so writers were encouraged to use descriptive words more than metaphors or emotive words.

For those who participated, please cut and paste the links below (and instructions for next week, if you wish) to your own blogs. This will help promote the group and give some linky love to each other, creating a fantastic cross-promotional network of WAGs!

————————

Cora Zane - Stars Will Cry

Sharon Donovan

Adam Heine - Authors Echo

Nancy Parra - This Writer’s Life

Criss - Criss Writes

Carol - DMWCarol

Nixy Valentine

Marsha Moore - Write On!

Jesse Blair - SexFoodPlay

Jackie Doss - The Pegasus Journals

AuntSally

JM Strother - Mad Utopia

Next week’s Writing Adventure:

For next week, go outside, and sit for a minute. (This can be in your yard or garden, on a city street, in a park, in a shopping centre, where ever you choose!) Soak in everything you see, hear, smell, etc, for a moment, and then describe something that you did not notice at first. This can be anything! Just make it something that you overlooked when you first arrived. Keep your descriptions as concrete as possible!

Post the results on your blog, and read this post about the group for information on how to notify me so your post will be properly included in next week’s list. Deadline: next Tuesday, March 10th.

The Writer v. The Editor

These two posts from The Golden Pencil* made me realize how much NaNoWriMo has changed the way I write.

I used to agonize over every word. I used to not write, because I was forever waiting for The Perfect Opening. If I did write, every sentence took forever because I wanted The Perfect Word. Even for stuff that didn't matter, like school assignments.

Now, after five years of NaNo, I just write. I don't even read my blog posts before hitting the orange button -- which is bad, because I'm a terrible typist. (Seriously. It took me 17 keystrokes to type "typist." But that's also because I got my nails done yesterday, and it always takes me a while to get used to typing with my fingers instead of my claws.)

The good thing is I'm writing. The words are moving from my head onto the paper. I'm more confident about my writing; when I go back and re-read that stuff, I like what I've written (I used to HATE re-reading my stuff, which is why I never proofread my papers for school. Now I don't proofread my blogs because I'm lazy; I like what I've written, but my ADD-brain is just ready to move on to something else.)

The bad thing is... well, I can't say "I don't proofread" because I didn't do that before either. There is no bad thing! NANOWRIMO IS THE GREATEST WRITING EXERCISE EVER!!!

(Okay, there is one bad thing. My husband is not too fond of November.)

While watching the Oscars, I was thinking about what I would say in my acceptance speech.** (This was, coincidentally, right before Kate Winslet told us about her rehearsals with Shampoo-bottle Oscar.) In my speech, I decided I would have to thank Chris Baty and the rest of the NaNoWriMo/Office of Letters and Light team.

I have a half-finished novel that is still in the half-finished stage that I started my first year teaching (when my Guardian Angel had me stumble into the Borders Books on Westheimer in Houston, AT THE EXACT SAME MOMENT a critique group was meeting. The dude working the info desk took me to the deep, dark corner where they met, and those amazing, lovely people invited me to join them. And write with them. And SENIOR YEAR went from a long-forgotten file on a floppy disk to A NOVEL). This was 8 years ago, people. And it's still half-finished. It has not yet been NaNoed.

Since that first November of 2004, I have written three novels (one of them took two Novembers) and one stack of drivel (which might could perhaps someday be salvaged into something resembling A NOVEL. Actually, UNA NOVELA, since that was my NaNo-in-Spanish year). I don't think of myself as someone who wants to write, because I do write. I am a writer. Thanks to Chris Baty.

Now I just need to work on the other little carp that keeps getting in the way, and edit all those beautiful, completed novels into something worth submitting. So I can start earning my millions.

PS: November's a long way away, but April is just around the corner! Have you signed up for Script Frenzy yet???

*Who used to have her own blog, but now is part of this Bizzia thing? Don't ask me, the posts arrive in my Google Reader and I don't question from where. Until I have to link to them.

**which used to be for Best Actress or Best Supporting Actress; now it'll be for Best Screenplay or Best Adapted Screenplay

The Man, the Myth, the Mystery

I need to ask my dad to buy me Roberto Bolaño's books on his next trip to Chile. With all the hype he's generated, AND he's my compatriota! I gotta read 'em.

(Then again, I might find out Bolaño's this big shot here in the US, but laughed at in Chile, like Isabel Allende. I enjoyed THE HOUSE OF THE SPIRITS, but the second time I read it, I realized how many problems the book has -- basic storyline/continuity issues that any editor should have caught and fixed. It makes the book come across as very amateur writing. And don't get me started on her young adult book... great idea, but could she have written it any more poorly???)

Cleaning out my GoogleReader subscriptions, I came across this article on Bolaño, about how he more than likely created this "tortured writer" persona (heroin addiction, etc.) because that's good PR for writers. So, should I start doing the same?

Should I start blogging about my struggled with addiction to Haribo Gummi Frogs? How cotton candy has ruined my teeth, and my finances? (Root canals are expensive, people!) How I struggled with co-dependent relationships with my multiple cats, and how I let them abuse me, physically and emotionally?

I shall ponder the issue. In my attic. Alone. In the rain.

Weekend Update

This was a highly unproductive weekend.

I didn't make a concrete lists of to-dos, but I had general ideas:

• take the car in for an oil change
• type the last pages of edits on the bloody dissertation
• catch up on blogs I've meant to write, both here and on another blog
• create the semester exam for my level 3 classes

Things I actually accomplished:

• this blog post

Okay, fine, that's not entirely true: Freddy and I have done some cleaning up around the house, and I finally posted on Freecycle items we'd been meaning to give away or get rid of. (Turns out, lots of people want wetsuits and red velvety curtains.) We also took the two bags of trash bags full of clothes down to Goodwill, along with other stuff that needed to go. And we cleared out some more tubs of stuff out to the shed. And I am writing to you lovely people sitting at a proper desk, not couch -- meaning the mountain of paper and debris that used to reside on this work surface has also been conquered.

So, some cleaning was accomplished. And little annoying things that have been needing to be done got done. Not a total loss of a weekend, all in all...

My problem is that I have a nasty habit of quitting while I'm ahead.

The first 18 pages of my dissertation? Written in one weekend. The last 5-10 pages? Took months.

Whenever I start working on something (laundry, cleaning the house), I start out strong and get a lot done quickly. And then I see that I'm doing well... so I give myself a break. And slow down. And never finish what I started.

Since I have no self-discipline, I can't make myself go back and finish. So I'll do three loads of laundry, but the last load remains in the dryer forever (if I've done four loads of laundry, the clothes stay in the washer... which means moldy clothes, which is nasty. And counter-productive, since I then have to wash the clothes again). And the socks never get matched up.

I'll do an awesome job of cleaning up the bathroom, but then never do anything about straightening up the bedroom.

And I'll stretch out three hours of work on my master's into a month and a half of dilly-dallying.

Meh.

Another productive blip on my weekend: yesterday was the first meeting for the writers group formed from interested Wrimos in the area. I took the first chapter of my 2004 NaNo; I had done some massive chopping before taking it to the group, so I was pretty pleased with myself to begin with, but their feedback and suggestions helped me figure out ways to make the chapter even better. So, I'm excited. Tomorrow I should sit down and get some more writing done (on the dissertation and the novel).

Or I might go on a laundry spree. You never know.

9 Goals for 2009

"New Year's Resolutions" has become a bad word. If you say you're making "resolutions," you're not saying you're resolving to do things in the new year; the modern connotation of the word is that you are making a list of things at which you will FAIL this year, probably within the first week.

It's much trendier to say you're setting "goals" for the new year. So that's what I'm doing. Because I am hip and trendy.

Earlier in 2008, my sister started talking about this Dave Ramsey guy and about making budgets and getting out of debt. She lured my mom and stepdad to the Dark Side and they've gone all gung-ho on this debt-free life; when they were in town to see Freddy's last show, my stepdad was reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, with all these nifty worksheets to get yourself on a budget and pay off your debt. I expressed interest, in that, "Yes, when I cross everything else off my list I'll look into it" way. He left the book with me.

I need to write a post dedicated just to the book, because it does kind of throw your financial belief system into a tizzy. But in a good way. Because our current financial belief system, here in the Grand Ol' US of A, is really screwed up.

But, for now: Goal #1 for 2009: Get out of debt. We can get everything except for student loans and the mortgage paid off probably by summer, of not spring break, and then start saving up and buying things (with cash) and finally having a savings account worthy of being called that. (Freddy is mostly on board with this plan... he hasn't read The Book yet, and I don't know how much he's buying of what I'm relaying to him, but I trust he'll come around. He is a smart guy, after all, and this stuff makes sense.)

On Monday we got a storage shed (just a little one; paid cash for it, thankyou, did not open a Home Depot credit account), for all the crap that's been cluttering up "the office." You see, we have this extra bedroom. This room was supposed to be an office, for all the writing and translating and so on that I should be doing. Instead? The "office" is a black hole for anything and everything I don't want to find a place for right now. My laptop lives in the living room, where we actually have added a desk. Now, the main reason the desk is in the living room is because it was too much hassle for the two of us to try to maneuver that thing into the "office," which is at the end of the twisty hall, but another reason was because there was no room in the "office" to put this desk. The saddest thing? No, I don't even use the desk out in the living room. Because it's cluttered with more crap. I write to you now, dear readers, from the couch. Where I do most of my computer work. (And we wonder why I have back and neck pain issues?)

Goal #2 for 2009: De-clutter the house. This includes taking the bikes out of the "office" and into the storage shed, taking all the masses of boxes and storage tubs other junk out of the "office" and into the shed or out to Goodwill, and finding a place for the junk we actually use. Which is probably going to be a very small percentage of the junk we currently own. There should be another blog post about de-cluttering in general, big and little things, with some tips that hopefully you will find helpful. (Though, really? Not so likely. Because the only person that reads this blog is Marcy, and I got the one big tip I'm super excited about sharing? I got from her. So she already knows it.)

Goal #3 for 2009: Submit my dissertation and claim my Master's degree. It's written, but needs read-throughs and edits. (But, instead of doing that, I'm blogging. Because I'm smart and productive and disciplined like that.)

Goal #4 for 2009: Edit LIFE CHOICES and begin querying agents. Now that the dissertation's not hanging over my head, and I've finished the one big freelance assignment I'd been working on forever, I can work on my fun writing guilt-free. Also, I have written three full novels, two plays, and have one novel that's desperately wanting me to finish it. I really need to start doing something with all those works.

Goal #5 for 2009: Blog more regularly. Both on this blog and my teaching one. I want to say I'll post once a week, but who knows if that'll work. We'll try. (NO! Do or do not -- there is no try!!!)

Goal #6 for 2009: Start a compost pile. When I shared this with Freddy, he got all practical and asked me what I was planning on doing with the compost. My first answer was "keep it out of landfills," but somehow that didn't seem to be a good enough answer. This leads me to Goal #7 for 2009: Plant a vegetable garden. Probably a very small one. But it's a start. Baby steps, people!

Goal #8 for 2009: Figure out the job thing. Do I still want to teach? Do I want to stay where I am, or do I want to move up to college-level? Do I want to move into some sort of admin position? Do I want to be an IT? Could I quit teaching and do the translating/editing this full-time? It's all up in the air right now. I'll keep you posted.

Goal #9 for 2009: Be a better wife. Help out around the house more -- right now Freddy does pretty much all the housework. He works less hours than I do, most of the time, so I rationalize the guilt away with that thought, but still. Spend less time on the computer when I am home; spend more time with him. Do things together (we spend a lot of time just sitting, watching TV. Good TV, but still.) Not let work and other stuff overwhelm me, to the point where I don't have anything left for him.

I know lists usually have 10 items, but I like 9 for 2009. And I can't think of a 10th item that's worthy. So there you are. What are your "goals" for the New Year?

Happeh noo yeer from I Can Has Cheezburger? (In case you need some more ideas.)

NON-fiction means it's NOT made up

If you want to write your life's story, then write your life's story. If your life's story is too boring to be written, then don't write your life's story.

This doesn't mean you can't write anything. It means that, when you write whatever it is you write -- which is not you actual life's story -- you have to call it "fiction." Because that's what it is. This is not a hard concept to grasp.

So, some guy made up a heart-warming story about how he and his wife met, so they could win a Valentine's Day contest. Oprah jumped on it (she seems to have a knack for these things - I'm sure you remember the James Frey debacle), and the guy ended up with a book-and-movie-to-follow deal.

He forgot to tell everybody the whole thing was FAKE.

In the article, the guy is quoted saying, "I wanted to bring happiness to people. I brought hope to a lot of people. My motivation was to make good in this world."

Good for you, dude. We all want to "bring happiness to people." (Okay, fine, maybe not all of us. But I'm sure some of you do.) You don't have to LIE to us to do that.

I'm sure your story is very pretty. I'd like to read it. But I'll have much more happiness brought to me if I know what I'm reading - if I read it and then find out it was all a BIG, FAT LIE, then I'm not going to be too "happiness." I'm not going to be full of hope, I'm going to be full of angriness for being lied to and duped. You don't "make good in this world" by deceiving people.

And, dude, when you're caught in your lie? Just admit it, and apologize. Don't try to feed us this "I just wanted to make people happy" crap. Your tale of triumph over adversity stops being inspirational when you lie about the level of adversity you overcame. Your tale of true love conquering all also suffers the same fate when you make up the circumstances your true love allegedly conquered. Nobody's saying you can't write that story -- write it, but don't sell it as a true story just to get it sold.

The lying gets to me. Am I being overly sensitive? What's wrong with calling fiction "fiction"?

And speaking of books making great gifts...

... here's a few to add to my Christmas list: Books for the Word Lover, from Flashlight Worthy*.

I think the word nerd in me needs a few of those titles: Alphabet Juice (Roy Blount, Jr.); Our Magnificent Bastard Tongue(John MrWhorter); The Secret Life of Words: How English Became English (Henry Hitchings); and Verbatim: From the bawdy to the sublime, the best writing on language for the word lovers, grammar mavens, and armchair linguists (Erin McKean).

*Now, I myself never did the hiding-under-the-covers-with-a-flashlight-just-to-sneak-some-extra-reading-time thing, but isn't this the most romantically apropos blog title?

Books make great gifts!

Okay, so you "responsible" people probably are all done with your Christmas shopping already. Because you're overachieving teacher's pets and all. Fine.

Now, for the rest of us... friends, procrastinators, lazy men (uh... and women), lend me your ears (uh... eyes)! Books make great gifts.



Really. books are awesome. It's so great to have them. To touch them, to smell them, to look at them all lined up so pretty on the bookshelf, and to read them. Owning books is fun. It's also expensive, if you're much of a reader. Especially if you're a fast reader, and finish the book in one weekend.

When you think about it, books are the perfect "pamper yourself" gift. It's something you'd like to buy for yourself, but you don't want to spend the money on it because you can just as easily get it from the library (of course, then you have to pay late fees, if you're like me, and forget to ever return the books on time). But owning a book of your very own? It's so much nicer!

They also make great personalized gifts - write a special note on the inside cover. But, please, write legibly, because when I find that book in my grandmother's collection or at some Half-Price Books or other second-hand store, I want to be able to read what you wrote. And please put the date, because that makes the find that much more fun.

If you're looking for some books to give, you can check out Meg Cabot's, Justine Larbalestier's or Moonrat's suggestions (courtesy of my Google Reader subs). If I have time this weekend I'll set up a Shelfari account (I have one under my teacher persona, and thought I was too lazy to make another one for myself as a person but then I decided I wanted to anyway) and you can see all the lovely things I've read that I like. Or the things I want to read, if you're looking to get something for me.

Because, yes, so many of you are - I can tell.

If you are shopping for Harry Potter fans, according to this blog J.K. Rowling is donating all proceeds from The Tales of Beedle the Bard "to an east European children's charity chaired by Rowling, called the Children's High Level Group." So there - the gift that keeps on giving.

Art

Video by Andrea Dorfman, lyrics by Tanya Davis. (Found on the French Word-a-Day blog, even though there's no French in it. Meh.)

The daunting task of editing...

Some writers in our NaNo region have decided we want to stay in touch through the year, and edit all those lovely words we've written in November. I already have a weekly critique group, but I like the idea of keeping in touch with my NaNo buddies year-round, and a second set of eyes can't hurt.

So, as I start the daunting task of editing my 2004 NaNo, I'm asking for help. I posted this on the Google group we set up for the critique group (we'll meet in person, but have the Ggroup for organizational purposes), but I figured I could ask for help here, as well:

My first project (uh... first NaNo project; I have two other pesky things to get out of the way first) is my 2004 NaNo. I actually started editing it after I finished it, and when I printed it out I saw I'd gone through 152 of the 224 pages of the manuscript. This was three years ago, however; I remember few of the details and I know I know more now about writing than I did then.

How should I approach this project, then? Do I sit down and read it through, once, to know what I'm dealing with? See the big picture, then jump in and nitpick it? Or do I start nitpicking from the beginning, and let the big picture fall into place as I work with the novel? (Meaning, take it apart chapter by chapter, then worry about story arc, character development, plot, recurring threads, etc. as I work through it, or after the "detailing" is done?)

I feel that I should read the whole thing once through, just to get it all in my head, especially since it's been so long since I've touched it, but I also know that I'll be itching to grab that red pen even if I tell myself I'm not supposed to do that yet.

What are your thoughts, comments, suggestions? How will you attack your editing projects?

:) Criss.