Musings on Mass Shootings, Part 3: Being "Shocked"

I was chastised on FB for posting that I was not "shocked" or "surprised" about the shooting in Connecticut.

Things that happen all the time are not shocking. And, the more I've thought about it, the angrier I've gotten at everyone who has expressed "shock" at what happened.

When you say you are "shocked" about the shooting, you are feeding the myth that events like this are rare, unexpected, isolated events.

They are not.

Something that happens six times in one year is not rare. Gun deaths are not unexpected in this country. They happen so much, we don't even bother reporting them or talking about them half the time. When something big enough that it will make a good ratings-grabbing story happens, we plaster that all over the news (until something shinier comes along, which generally happens in a day or two). Dude, a bunch of little kids had something bad happen to them? Wow! People love that stuff!! Shove cameras and mics in some kindergartners'  faces STAT!! (I have purposefully avoided coverage of this story because, well, that coverage would be on the news, and I'm not playing their disgusting game, but given that this school was in Connecticut, I wager the majority of the people affected are, um, lighter-skinned, no? But that's another blog post.)

This was not something "shocking." It was something horrible. It was something tragic. 

But it was something that happens way too often.

We shouldn't be "shocked." Maybe the first few times, yeah. But by this point? If you're still "shocked," you're not paying attention, and I need you to pay attention.

By this point, you need to be enraged. You need to be outraged. And you need to DO something about it.

Holding yet another candlelight vigil isn't going to do anything. We've done those, nothing's changed.

Arguing about gun control isn't going to do anything either, because instead of talking about things, people start screaming about ridiculous extremes and we never talk about the actual issues, the actual problems, or the actual possible solutions. (Isn't it nice to know the reproductive rights debate isn't the only one who suffers from this particular ailment?)

Arguing about gun control isn't useful either because gun control (or lack thereof) isn't the only problem.

We need to talk about out attitude toward violence, particularly gun violence. What do we choose to put on TV? What do we choose to put in our movies? What do we put in magazines? What does our language reflect? What do our expressions reflect? How do we talk about violence?

We also seriously need to change how we talk about mental health. Can we please stop using "crazy" and "insane" as insults or pejoratives? Can we stop pinning "inspirational" crap about how if you're depressed you're holding on to your past instead of looking to your future, or that you're not praying enough? Can we stop telling people that they're only feeling "depressed" or "sad" because they don't eat enough organic food or aren't exercising enough or the right way? Can we stop blanket vilifying medication, or the need for it? Can we openly talk about mental health? About needing help? About getting help?

Or, and on that note... can we please give people access to that help? Insurance coverage for mental health, and enough time off from work to go to therapy weekly if that's what the person needs? Hey, I need to leave early one day a week, or come in late one day a week, or take an extra-long lunch one day a week. I'll be happy to make up the time by staying late one a day a week, but I need the ability to have that flexibility in my schedule, without you ridiculing me or harassing me about it. Because, seriously, what's going to change if I stay late on Wednesdays and come in late on Thursdays? How different is that from leaving on time every Wednesday and coming in on time every Thursday? I'm working the same amount of hours. Allow the flexibility. Find a time that works for the employee and the employer, but find that time without creating a hardship for the employee.

Don't be "shocked." When you're "shocked," you just stand there.

Be angry. Angry people get stuff done. Let's fix this problem.

Sure, 92 million people heard Pam Tebow. But did she SAY anything?

(See? What did I tell you...)

I wasn't going to blog about the Focus on the Family Super Bowl ad, because that was, like, a long time ago. But today I came across this article, and I felt this made it "relevant" enough that I could beat the dead horse.

I watched the Tebow ad. I was going to watch it anyway (that whole "keep your enemies closer" thing), but even if I had planned to leave the room when it aired, I still would have watched it. Because I had no idea that's what the ad was.

I don't know what Pam Tebow looks like. Put her in a line-up of two women, both with short, black, curly/wavy hair, and I can't pick her out if you tell me which one is not her. So of course I didn't recognize her face when she came on the screen.

Honestly, I thought the ad was a spoof of the FotF ad. I thought it was a woman making fun of what FotF was going to say.

And given what she said, I swore it was a health care reform ad. Even when Timmy himself showed up (see, I knew it was him because he tackled her, and that's what football players do) I still didn't get it. It still sounded like an health care reform ad -- all Ms. Tebow talked about was his health and how worried she still is about his health. How could that NOT be an ad for health care reform, and health care access for all?

Okay, so that's what I wanted to say about the ad. Unless you knew, before hand, that the ad was supposed to be an anti-abortion ad, you would never have known that's what it was. If nothing else, because the only thing about the ad that stuck in your mind was Pam Tebow being tackled to the ground by a guy a foot taller than she and probably 100 pounds heavier.

Now, this article says although the ad ranked dead last in Nielsen ratings, the ad was still a success because even if you were the lowest-ranking ad in the Super Bowl, you were still in the Super Bowl. And all these millions of people saw your ad.

Which would be a valid point, if the message you gave in the ad said what you originally wanted it to say.

Sure, 92 million people saw your message. But did they get it? Did they know what you were trying to say? (Besides "tackle your mom." And, dude, while I'm harping on that... don't quarterbacks throw more than they tackle? Couldn't we have had Timmy tell him mom to "Go long!" and toss her a football, or -- not to get too radical here -- a teddy bear or other baby item? That way, we get the football reference, without the violence against women. Just sayin'.)

I do agree that the hype before the ad aired gave Focus on the Family the attention they wanted. Bully for them. But how much hype was there outside the pro-choice community? Outside the anti-choice community? Did your Average Joe and Jane hear about it?

Or did they just see your health care reform ad and stand there, scratching their heads?

I'm too lazy to do the research, and I don't want to give FotF any more of my time, to look into it, but... was that the original ad? Was that what they were originally going to say?

Because that's not what was reported they were going to say. And they never released the script (did they?) So did they water down the ad because of the outrage?


Or did they truly spend "less than $100,000" to produce and $2.8 to air an ad that said... nothing? If you're going to spend that kind of money, shouldn't you make sure your message is as clear as it can possibly be?

Then again, I've never understood the anti-choice mentality. Maybe they are that clueless, and they do think this ad was a "success."

Day 4: School is in session! Educate yourself on trans issues

(I decided to number my NaBloPoMo posts. I'm trying it out as a motivational tool. Or something.)

I spent way too much time today playing with other things (adding linky-links to the first three posts -- yes, it took me that long) and now it's almost 10:30, which is Criss's Completely Not Realistic Desired Bedtime. I have a couple of heavy topics I want and need to blog about, but I don't want to start any of them this late at night, when I'm already sleepy.

Luckily, I stumbled across this on Twitter.

I think I started following @nueva_voz from a Tweetchat on women of color. I liked what she said on that subject, and soon I found out she's a proud trans woman. In my limited world view, I had never met an "out" trans person before (is that the right term? I hope so...), and in my limited, priviledged thought process I had not ever thought about those women, or men, and how things I take so absolutely for granted can be life-threatening to them.

I've stuck my priviledged foot in my mouth (and this is a very candy-coated, understated way of phrasing it) several times, but @nueva_voz, and other amazing trans ladies I've met through her Twitter feed (I would link to them but I kind of feel that might be an invasion of privacy, me listing them as trans women here without their permission, and also some I'm not sure if they're trans or just solid allies), have been patient with me and helped me learn. They have taken the time to call me out when I've screwed up, and taught me how and why I've screwed up -- even though it's not their job, as the oppressed, to teach me, the oppressor (yes, as a cis woman, especially as a feminist, I am a member of the group that has, sadly, oppressed and attacked trans women).

So, all that rambling was supposed to be a quick introduction to the formspring question @nueva_voz answered tonight. The question: Advice for prochoice cis feminists? What should we be reading to educate ourselves on trans women's issues?

Did you click the link yet? Why not? Read her answer! Because it's useful, and detailed, and helpful. And it wasn't her job to do all that work for us cis fems.

Now, just because I like you, I'll do part of the work for you. See how nice I am?

If you call in the next five minutes, I will give you, absolutely free, the link to Questioning Transphobia. Call now!!!

(If you want to order Julia Serano's WHIPPING GIRL, you're going to have to go here to read about it, or look for it at your favorite indie bookstore. I don't like you enough to buy it for you.)

And I think this "short" blog post is long enough now. You have your reading assignments, get to it!

How To Tell People They SOUND Racist (or Sexist, or Homophobic, or Ableist, or Etc.ist...)

@HappyFeminist tweeted this video just now. I'm saving it, though, and post-dating this post. Because I'm RTing her tomorrow morning, and I'll schedule this post for sometime maybe even next week, to kind of spread the video's visibility.

I stole the video from here, but it's Jay Smooth's video.

Although it might seem pretty obvious, I had never thought about this before. Very important distinction when having the racist/sexist/ableist/etcist conversation...