Saturday, January 08, 2011

Parenting Choices, via MTV's No Easy Decision

(Phone posting, so please pardon the typos.)
(Edited to add Katie's info and make linky-links)
I TiVoed MTV's No Easy Decision, but haven't had a chance to watch it yet. Via Facebook, I found this blog post, by Katie, one of the girls in the show.

I almost can't believe a teen [edit: she's in her early 20s. STILL.] wrote that. She expresses herself better than I could (which was a blow to my ego... But I digress). I don't know how anyone can read that and think she did not "know" what she was doing, or that she did not "think her decision through." Does she sound like someone who needed a mandatory waiting period before being allowed to get an abortion?
Those of us who have made that decision have not come to it lightly. We knew what we were doing, and why.
I love what she says about the "mothering instinct" -- it starts at pregnancy, knowing whether you are ready, or even capable, of being a mother. "Mothering" starts with pregnancy, at that moment you decide you want to become a mother; with planned pregnancies, it starts even earlier. I made several choices about my diet, lifestyle, medications, etc. when Freddy and I started trying to get pregnant. I stopped drinking sodas (for the MOST part) and eating candy (and if you know me, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF A SACRIFICE THAT WAS), got off my "crazy pills" (though I quickly got back on them when I realized how much I needed them -- see, already making parenting decisions, for the wellbeing of the potential child growing inside of me), etc.
Parenting starts before birth, and it starts before conception. This is why we use birth control. Guess what? Birth control, like pretty much everything in life, is not infallible. Sometimes it fails, it doesn't do what it's supposed to or go the way we want it to. So we adjust: for some women, who are not ready to be parents, who are not ready to be pregnant, or who know they never want either of those, that means terminating the pregnancy.
When MonkeyBoy was born, my doctor ordered an echocardiogram to check out his heart, because of the "prominent aorta" they'd seen in one of my last sonograms. Thankfully, the echo showed everything was as it should be. But if it hadn't, if the doctors had found something wrong with MonkeyBoy's heart, guess what?
Freddy and I would have made a parenting decision and talked to the doctors to figure out the best way to "fix" it. We wouldn't have said, "Oh, well, must be God's Will! After all, He giveth and He taketh away, right?" and let the baby die.
God's Will, if you take the time to read Genesis, is for us to use the first gift He gave us: our free will*. That means making choices. Sometimes, that choice is abortion.

And that's okay. In fact, it's a responsible parenting choice.

*Edit: I was going to elaborate on the "free will" thing, but as I started writing I realized it needs to be a post on its own. So watch for that, coming soon.


  1. Anonymous4:09 AM

    Really? God's gift to us was using our free will? Do tell Criss, when humans were 'given' that gift, what does Genesis say they did with it? And since God is not the author of sin, was free will really His gift to us (see answers below)?

    "wherefore by one man SIN entered into the world, and so then DEATH because of SIN"

    "...but the GIFT OF GOD is eternal LIFE, through Jesus Christ, our Lord."

    so, you self-proclaimed pro abortion 'christian', is God in favor of DEATH, or is He in favor of LIFE?

  2. Anonymous4:14 AM

    and please.....if you are going to presume to know the will of God, give up some biblical support for your assertion. Chapter and verse, please.

  3. I read the post you linked and I want to thank you and the teen for speaking about this issue. I have not personally had an abortion. I have had a few close friends that have and I believe that more women who have had one should be able to speak about it for what it is: a choice. Not everyone who finds themselves with an unwanted pregnancy chooses abortion just as no one should be FORCED to carryout an unwanted pregnancy. It's your choice. I thank you for using your voice to speak about this!

  4. Criss,thanks.
    And that specific post of Katie's is, at this moment, my favorite. Abortion by instinct, there is just no other way I can explain how I felt except this.
    Katie hit the nail on the head.
    (And I think she's in college now?)

  5. I LOOOOOOOOVE free will...only slightly more than I love this post. Very well put!

  6. Anonymous11:14 PM

    [.....crickets chirping......] Criss,who presumes to know the will of God, is quite silent on a biblical answer.......

  7. *sigh*

    Anonymous, I wrote a whole post, just for you. It's called "Dear Anonymous." Go read it. (I wrote that one on my phone and emailed it in, so if it's not showing up quite yet -- it isn't as I'm writing this -- then wait a bit. Don't know how delayed phone posts are. But it'll be there, don't worry.)

    You know what else I wrote?

    I wrote a post about what the Bible says about abortion. I actually wrote several posts on this. Go to the bottom of the page, where the labels are, and click on "the Bible." Then read those posts.

    They're cited with chapter and verse, by the way. See, I cited chapter and verse. You didn't. Did you notice that? Because I did.

    Come back when you have something worthwhile to say, and when you can say it like a big girl -- WITH A NAME signed to your drivel.

  8. ProSanity,
    Yes, Katie's in grad school now; and she was 20 when she had the abortion. I read her post on my phone, and didn't look at the rest of her blog until last night. She still writes better than I at that age or now; I assumed she was a teenager because the show is called "16 & Pregnant" so I assumed the girls were all 16 or thereabouts (never seen the show, and still haven't seen the No Easy Decision special. I finally watched The Rachel Maddow Show's documentary The Assasination of Dr. Tiller... that's how behind I am...)

  9. Criss.

    I'm well aware of what you think the bible says about abortion. The biblical scholars and I agree - you're wrong. Period.

    You didn't answer my questions. You lack biblical support for your assertions. You resort to the more common fallacies of logical argumentation when you reply. Yawn.

    Since you think respect is all wrapped up in a person's name, and since you wax so poetically philosophical about what's in a name, why don't you just pick a nice name for me, and I'll use it when I post.

    I've accomplished my purpose here. Every little freedom you restrict, even with the anonymous commentors, erodes your credibility just a little bit more (except for the people who parrot your point of view). You are one of many bloggers I've forced to restrict anonymous comments. :D Frequently the hit counter falls off. Many of them haven't posted in weeks. Yay!

  10. Romans 6:23
    Romans 5:12
    Psalm 30:5 be continued.

  11. Talk to me about Genesis and free will, Criss. That's what I asked about. Talk to me about what Adam and Eve did with free will, and what happened after?

  12. ps. I think what you post is drivel. :P

  13. "I'm well aware of what you think the bible says about abortion. The biblical scholars and I agree - you're wrong. Period."

    So why do you bother asking me what I think, if you're just going to tell me I'm wrong? Are you THAT bored?

    "You are one of many bloggers I've forced to restrict anonymous comments. :D "

    Seriously?? This is your goal? WTF is wrong with you??

    "ps. I think what you post is drivel. :P"

    So... why do you keep reading??

  14. Silly Criss.

    I already know what you think the bible says about abortion. My question to you was about free will, and what mankind did with "the gift" of free will according to the book of Genesis. Go back and look at what my questions really were.

    Everybody that supports a cause has a goal, silly. You are pro abortion. You promote your cause and presumably have a goal to achieve by doing so. Conversely, I am anti abortion, and my activism and goals reflect that sentiment. Therefore, exposing pro abortionists for the thoughtless people that they are is part of achieving that goal. You aren't interested in having reasonable dialog, only in straw-man arguments and ad hominem attacks. Your hyperbolic indignation over my anonymity is laughable. You offer no respect, therefore, I need not give it. The less people read your silly blog, the better off my cause is, so therefore I am happy when you do silly things like restrict comments. There's always a way around restrictions if I want to post,anyway.

    I keep reading so I can keep posting. Thanks for the show.

    ....and I lead a very happy life, FYI. This really takes no time at all.

  15. Check back by the weekend. Check above; I was going to add something to this post to address the free will thing (since some people need basic things spelled out for them), but realized that should be a post on its own. It's coming.

    The only people who post on here as anonymous are anti-choicers with nothing interesting to say. By not allowing anonymous comments I'm not "hurting" anyone except anti-choice trolls. Way to go! Congrats!

    Hey, dude, it's you life and your time. If you want to keep reading, go ahead. Be my guest. I appreciate the page views; I get ad revenue from them. Thanks for helping me make money! :)

  16. Whatever. Get a clue about what a troll is, ok? I stayed on topic, I asked reasonable questions. Debate is about opposing points of view, oh intellectual one. Debate isn't about expressing an opinion, and having your choir sing about how spot on you are.

    You hurt your own credibility and validity when you can't support your views with proof, when you can't answer the hard questions. Yours is an empty argument, Criss.

    You're trolling your own blog, and that's funny, you silly girl. Whatever revenue I generate is worth're crumbling. :D

  17. Thanks Criss for allowing all people to post here.

    I respectfully posted at Katie's for awhile in spite of her being quite disrespectful to me. Now she has started deleting some of my posts --not all of them, just some of them.

    All of my posts were respectful and I am left to surmise she is having a hard time with even those who respectfully disagree with her on the topic of abortion.

    I guess I don't understand how you and Katie figure abortion is a parenting choice. What exactly do you MEAN by choice?

  18. I found a video that shows what you MEAN by parenting choice:,-four-minute,-abortion-debate-yo

  19. JustUs,
    Sorry I haven't responded to your question. I've been parenting solo for the past two weeks (just once more to go!) because Freddy's been either at work or at the theater, rehearsing for his a show. This severely limits my computer time. (And for some reason, I can't post comments via Blackberry. I can submit blog posts, but the comments link is broken. Don't know if that's a Blogger issue or a Blackberry one. But I digress...)

    You want to know what I "MEAN by choice"? Do you not know the definition of the word?

    OK, fine, I guess I can't blame you... I looked it up on WordReference, and it just said: "an act of choosing; the right or ability to choose." Not very helpful. So I did something radical, and looked up "choose," which cleared it up: "1. pick out as being the best of two or more alternatives; 2. decide on a course of action."

    So, look at that... what I "MEAN by choice" is, oddly enough, what "choice" means: there are different alternatives, and I pick one. I decide on one course of action.

    Do I want to be a parent? Am I ready to be a parent?Am I capable of being a parent?

    These three questions can have different answers. I have wanted to be a parent since my early college years, but I was not ready then, and, I realize clearly now, I was not capable at that time to be one.

    Now I *am* ready and much better equipped to be a parent than I was before. So my husband and I made a choice, and I got off birth control, and we had sex on the dates our OB suggested, and after a few months of trying, we got pregnant. Whoo-hoo!

    Pregnancy is not "a gift from God" that should never be questioned or challenged any more than cancer is "a death sentence from God" that should never be questioned or challenged.

    Yes, pregnancy can be a blessing. I am eternally grateful to God for our MonkeyBoy.

    But that's because I made the choice to be MonkeyBoy's mother.

    Yes, cancer can be a death sentence. Even when you hit it will all kinds of chemotherapy and radiation and whatnot.

    But that doesn't mean that every person who is diagnosed with cancer should lie down and wait for death. Sometimes chemo and radiation make the cancer go away completely; sometimes they make the cancer go into remission and you can enjoy several years of quality life before it's time to go.

    Why is it that "God's will" only applies to pregnancy? How come when God smites you with a disease, we use every medical tool at our disposal to GO AGAINST "God's will" and make the illness or injury go away?

    (PS: No, I'm not watching your video. I don't have time for nonsense.)

  20. You're right. Killing humans is nonsensical.

  21. Thanks for proving my point, JustUs. We're talking about abortion, not "killing humans."

    Oh, wait -- or is your video about all the bombings and shootings at abortion clinics by "pro-life" terrorists? Because THAT actually is "killing humans."

  22. You know what the video shows. I have ZERO doubt that you watched it.

    Cute little monkey boy wasn't he? Too bad a terrorist group promoted his death.

  23. Criss supports Planned Parenthood and also claims to care about females and be against rape:

  24. Is this a link to a video of me, supporting Planned Parenthood and saying I care about "females" (can I say "women" instead? Sounds much less... degrading) and being against rape? Because *that* video, I'd watch. I'd probably post it in a proper post, even.

    But I don't like the way I look and sound in videos, so I haven't done any vlogs yet... or, probably, ever...

    Oh, wait! Is this the hoax video, where the guy tries to set up Planned Parenthood as some vicious prostitution ring, but, like, the whole scam was a total FAIL because Planned Parenthood reported the jokers to the FBI, you know, like they're supposed to? And, like, DO?

    Oh, I hope it is. That would be so cute of you!

  25. I use the word female because I was referring to both women and girls.

    Do you really believe the manager at PP wasn't saying those things or didn't even manage a PP? You can't be this stupid can you?

    You support females being forced into sex slavery, forced to go to a kill mill and then forced to go back to their molesters.

    Now go back to your upper-middle-class world where you can continue your sarcasm with those like yourself and continue to DO NOTHING to stop the rape of children. The world where you are insulated from having to think about how some girls don't have a choice or are not allowed to use their free will. The world where you condone and promote millions of dollars funneled into a hellhole that abuses children, most of them females.

    I would have never imagined that there were such cold women on this earth who could watch that video and not be absolutely devastated and cry out for justice. I'm sure you could get her job but you are one of the lucky ones who doesn't have to work outside the home.

    Sex slaves exist in our country Criss no matter what you want to tell yourself to feel better about your choices. Nothing cute about it.

  26. Um... can anyone else see my comments? Are they showing up for the rest of you? Is it only JustUs who can't read them?

    Is the problem a tech issue, or just #readingcomprehensionFAIL?

    Did I not just address the "exposé" video already? And how full of failitude it is?

    Or do I have to make a video of myself saying it for you to "get" it? 'Cuz that's a lot of work. I already told you I don't like the way I look and sound in video... *sigh* Antis are so demanding...

    Hey, JustUs, is this how you "respectfully" posted on Katie's blog? Yeah, no wonder she got fed up with you.

  27. I have no clue what any of the above ramblings mean and don't expect you will believe me. All I can figure is that Katie doesn't like getting caught in lies and she has made attempts at turning the tables. These are little childish games.

    Thanks for keeping all comments visable Criss so the truth can be seen. When you start deleting posts, there is no way respectful diologue can continue. Unless someone is being vulgar or threatening, I hope you continue to allow 'antis' to post here.

    I do respect your honesty and allowing those who disagree with you to post.

    To straighten out the confusion at PP, all PP has to do is provide the phone records of the date, time and FBI number they called. If they called immediately after the actors left, they have nothing to worry about. But then why would they fire the innocent PP worker after this video aired?


    If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

  29. Really? A link to Abby "I Didn't Get Rich Working For A Non-Profit So I Became A Spokesperson For 'Pro-Life' Because They Offered To Pay My Debt" Johnson?

    JustUs, I gladly leave all comments up. Because few things can prove my point better than some of the stuff that comes from the anti-choice crowd.

  30. Thanks Criss for leaving all comments up. That's all we can ask.

    It's really the only way that people on the fence can make a judgement call about the personalities of each side.

    I looked up Abby Johnson too and am thinking about reading her book. I can't make a judgement about her intent because I don't know enough about her.

    Do you personally know Abby and know for a fact what her financial situation was and is currently? Where can I get this information?